The Menendez brothers are back in the cultural zeitgeist. Again. It’s hard to open a social media app or turn on the news without seeing the faces of Lyle and Erik Menendez. This time, the conversation isn’t just about the brutal 1989 shotgun killings of their parents, Jose and Kitty, or the harrowing testimony of abuse that split public opinion down the middle. People are curious about the logistics of their personal lives. Specifically, how did the Menendez brothers get married while living in the cramped, concrete reality of a California prison cell?
It’s a valid question. They aren’t coming home. They were sentenced to life without the possibility of parole. Yet, both brothers have found love, exchanged vows, and maintained decades-long relationships from behind bars.
The Reality of Prison Nuptials
California law is surprisingly straightforward about this. Prisoners have a constitutional right to marry. It doesn't matter if you're in for a weekend or for the rest of your life. The state can restrict your movement, your diet, and your internet access, but it generally can’t stop you from legally tying the knot.
The process isn't romantic. Forget white aisles or open bars. It’s paperwork. Lots of it. To understand how did the Menendez brothers get married, you have to look at the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR) protocols. A prisoner must first find a willing partner on the outside—usually through letters or monitored phone calls. Then comes the background checks, the marriage license applications sent via snail mail, and the approval of the warden.
Lyle was the first to take the plunge.
Lyle Menendez and the Wedding Over the Phone
Lyle's first marriage is perhaps the most bizarre example of how these things work. In 1996, he married Anna Erikkson, a former model. They didn’t stand in a chapel. Because of prison security rules at the time, they actually got married over a speakerphone. A judge sat in an office, and Lyle sat in a room at the Mule Creek State Prison. It was clinical. It was legal. It was also short-lived.
They divorced after a few years because Anna reportedly found out Lyle was "cheating" by writing to other women. Yes, even in prison, the drama of infidelity exists.
But Lyle didn't stay single. In 2003, he married Rebecca Sneed, a magazine editor who later became an attorney. This wedding actually happened in person, in a small visiting room area. They’ve been together for over two decades now. When people ask how did the Menendez brothers get married, they often imagine some grand loophole, but it's really just a testament to the persistence of the human ego and the strange allure of "prison groupies" or genuine emotional connection, depending on who you ask.
Erik’s Turn: Tammi Menendez and the Waiting Game
Erik’s story is a bit different. He married Tammi Ruth Saccoman in 1999. Their wedding "cake" was a Twinkie. I'm not kidding. In the waiting room of Folsom State Prison, they exchanged vows in front of a chaplain.
Tammi had been writing to Erik for years. She even wrote a book about it called They Said We’d Never Make It. Their relationship started with a letter after she saw his trial on TV. She felt a connection to his pain. It sounds like a movie script, but it's the reality for thousands of people who marry inmates.
The Question of Physical Intimacy
Here is the kicker. This is the part that usually shocks people who are researching how did the Menendez brothers get married.
In California, if you are sentenced to life without the possibility of parole, you are not allowed conjugal visits. None. Zero.
This means that while they are legally married, they have never been alone with their wives. Every meeting happens in a public visiting room. There are guards. There are other inmates. There are cameras. They can share a brief kiss at the beginning and end of the visit. They can hold hands across a table. They can buy snacks from a vending machine. That is the extent of their physical relationship.
Why Do People Marry "Lifers"?
Psychologists often point to "Hybristophilia," a condition where people are attracted to those who commit high-profile crimes. But with the Menendez brothers, it’s more complex. Many supporters believe the brothers were victims of systemic failure and sexual abuse. They see the marriages not as an obsession with crime, but as an act of compassion.
Lyle and Rebecca, for instance, talk on the phone multiple times a day. Rebecca moved closer to the prison to be near him. It’s a life of sacrifice for the person on the "outside." They handle the finances, the legal appeals, and the public relations, while the person on the "inside" provides emotional support—which is often all they have to give.
Legal Hurdles and Logistics
To make these marriages happen, the brothers had to navigate:
- The Marriage License: Someone on the outside has to go to the County Clerk’s office. Since the groom can't go, an "Affidavit of Inability to Appear" is filed.
- The Officiant: A chaplain or a brave judge has to be willing to enter the prison facility.
- The Guests: Usually limited to two or three people, and they all have to be pre-cleared by the prison’s investigative unit.
The Impact of the 2024 Resurgence
With the recent Netflix series and the new evidence regarding Roy Rosselló’s allegations against Jose Menendez, the brothers' marriages are under a microscope again. People want to know if these women are still there. They are.
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Rebecca Sneed has been a vocal advocate for Lyle. Tammi Menendez has been Erik’s rock for 25 years. These aren't just "prison flings." They are long-term commitments that have outlasted many Hollywood marriages.
The brothers were recently reunited in the same prison facility (R.J. Donovan Correctional Facility in San Diego) after decades apart. This move has allowed their families to coordinate visits, making the logistical nightmare of being a "prison wife" slightly more manageable.
What This Tells Us About the System
The fact that we ask how did the Menendez brothers get married reveals our own bias about what prison should be. For some, it’s a place of total deprivation. For others, the right to a family is a basic human right that shouldn't be stripped away, regardless of the crime.
California's laws prioritize the idea that maintaining family ties reduces recidivism. Now, for people with life without parole, recidivism isn't really the issue because they aren't supposed to get out. However, it keeps the prison environment calmer. A married inmate with something to lose is generally easier to manage than one with no connections to the world.
The Next Steps for the Menendez Case
If you are following this story, the marriage aspect is just the tip of the iceberg. The real focus now is on their potential resentencing. If the Los Angeles District Attorney’s office moves forward with a recommendation for a lesser sentence, these marriages might eventually move from the prison visiting room to a private home.
For now, their lives remain a strange blend of legal paperwork, 15-minute phone calls, and the unwavering loyalty of two women who chose to marry men the rest of the world had written off.
Actionable Insights for Following the Case
- Monitor the Habeas Corpus Petitions: The legal mechanism for their release isn't their marriages, but the new evidence of abuse. Watch the L.A. County Superior Court filings for updates on their 2024-2025 petitions.
- Understand California Penal Code 2601: This is the specific law that protects an inmate's right to marry. If you’re researching prison rights, this is your primary source.
- Verify Social Media Claims: Many "quotes" from the wives circulating on TikTok are unsourced. Look for direct interviews with Tammi Menendez or Rebecca Sneed’s official statements via the brothers' legal teams to get the facts.
- Check the CDCR Inmate Locator: To see if the brothers are still housed together at R.J. Donovan, you can use the public CDCR locator tool. Their status and location are updated regularly.