Let’s be real. You probably picked up Baldur’s Gate 3, saw the pale, snarky elf with the theatrical flair, and thought, "I can fix him." Or maybe you just liked the way he calls you "darling" while holding a knife to your throat. Either way, pulling off a successful BG3 Astarion romance guide run is a lot more complicated than just being mean to people or letting him bite you.
Astarion is a mess of trauma, defensive walls, and survival instincts. If you treat him like a typical "bad boy" RPG romance, you’re going to hit Act 3 and realize you’ve been dumped, or worse, you’ve turned him into something even more monstrous than his old master. Here is how you actually navigate the most complex relationship in the game without losing your soul—or his.
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Act 1: The Art of Not Being a Hero
Astarion doesn’t hate good people. He hates naive people. When you’re looking to boost your approval early on, don’t think of it as "being evil." Think of it as being pragmatic and a little bit of a jerk. He loves it when you demand payment for quests. He loves it when you mock authority.
The big one? The bite. When he tries to snack on you at camp, let him. This is the single easiest +15 approval boost in the game. Just don’t let him kill you. If you’re playing as Karlach or Gale, the dialogue is slightly different, but the result is the same: trust equals points.
Key Moments for Act 1 Approval:
- The Necromancy of Thay: Give him the creepy book found in the Blighted Village. Don’t give it to Gale. Don't destroy it.
- Gandrel the Hunter: You’ll find a Gur hunter near Auntie Ethel’s teahouse. If you want Astarion to love you, let him kill the guy.
- The Barn Door: In the Blighted Village, there’s a barn with... noises coming from inside. Let Astarion open the door. He finds the chaos hilarious.
- The Tiefling Party: This is where things usually kick off. Even if your approval is "Neutral," you can still spend the night with him if you pick the right dialogue. Tell him the goblins would have thrown a better party. Tell him you want "a little fun."
Act 2: The Make-or-Break Confession
This is where most players mess up their BG3 Astarion romance guide attempt. Act 2 is the "lock-in" phase. If you don't get a specific confession scene before finishing the Gauntlet of Shar, you are effectively single in Act 3.
There are two main ways to trigger this, and they lead to very different versions of the relationship.
The Araj Oblodra Choice
In Moonrise Towers, you’ll meet a drow blood merchant named Araj. She wants Astarion to bite her. He clearly doesn’t want to. Do not force him. If you tell her no and defend his autonomy, he will approach you at camp for a deeply vulnerable conversation. This is the "safe" way to lock in the romance. He’ll admit he originally slept with you to manipulate you for protection, but now he actually cares.
The Yurgir Path
If you miss Araj or choose a different route, you need to deal with the Orthon, Yurgir, in the Gauntlet of Shar. Raphael will promise to translate Astarion’s scars if you kill the beast. After the fight, and after a few long rests, Astarion will confess his feelings. Note: This usually requires very high approval (70+) to trigger if you haven't done the Araj scene.
Act 3: Ascension or Redemption?
Everything leads to the confrontation with Cazador. This isn't just a boss fight; it’s the climax of Astarion’s entire character arc. You have a choice that changes the ending of the game and the nature of your romance.
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The Vampire Ascendant (The "Evil" Route)
If you help Astarion complete the ritual, he becomes the Vampire Ascendant. He gets a massive power boost (1d10 necrotic damage on attacks, a misty escape, and more), but his personality shifts. He becomes possessive, arrogant, and loses that vulnerable spark. He will offer to turn you into a vampire spawn. If you accept, you’re basically his pet forever. You can't break up with him after this point—the game won't let you.
Staying a Spawn (The "Good" Route)
To get this ending, you have to talk him down from the ritual. It’s a high Persuasion check (DC 18). You have to remind him that this power will consume him just like it did Cazador. If you succeed, he stays a spawn, kills Cazador, and frees (or kills) the other 7,000 spawn.
Honestly? This is the most rewarding romance ending. He thanks you later for not letting him become a monster. You get a sweet scene in a graveyard where he finally feels like a free person.
Common Misconceptions
People think you have to be a murder-hobo to romance him. You don't. You can play a "Lawful Good" Paladin and still romance Astarion. You just have to leave him at camp when you’re doing selfless charity work so he doesn't see you being a "hero."
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Also, the "Mirror Scene" in Act 1. It doesn't give a massive approval boost, but it’s critical for flavor. If you describe his face to him (since he hasn't seen it in 200 years), it builds the emotional foundation you need for Act 2.
Practical Steps to Finish the Romance
- Long Rest Frequently: Astarion’s story is told through camp scenes. If you rush the main quest, you’ll skip the dialogue triggers.
- Watch the "Partnered" Flag: Check your character sheet. Once you get the Act 2 confession, you should see your relationship status change in the eyes of other companions.
- The Insight Check: During the ritual in Act 3, use an Insight check to see his fear. It makes talking him down much easier.
- Epilogue Matters: If he stays a spawn, he will burn in the sun after the final boss. Don't panic. This is normal. You’ll see him again in the epilogue 6 months later, and you can choose to find a way for him to walk in the sun again together.
Focus on his autonomy. That is the "secret sauce." Every time you let him make his own choice or defend his right to say "no," you’re winning the long game.
Next Steps for Your Playthrough:
Check your current approval rating in the character sheet. If you're in Act 2 and still under 40, go back to Act 1 areas and see if you missed the Necromancy of Thay or the Gur hunter to get that baseline boost before hitting Moonrise Towers.