Crazy golf is weirdly resilient. You’d think in an era of hyper-realistic VR headsets and 4K gaming, hitting a neon ball through a spinning windmill would feel like a relic. It doesn't. People still love it. Families, awkward first dates, and corporate groups looking to "bond" while drinking overpriced cider still flock to these courses. But here is the thing: building a crazy golf course is a logistical nightmare if you don't know the math behind the fun.
Most people start with the theme. They want pirates. Or space. Or maybe a jungle with animatronic tigers. That is fine, but it’s actually the last thing you should worry about. If your drainage is bad or your "par" is physically impossible for an eight-year-old, your theme won't save you from a one-star TripAdvisor review.
The Boring Stuff That Actually Matters
Let's talk about the ground. You cannot just slap some AstroTurf on a flat concrete slab and call it a day. Professional course designers like those at City Golf Europe or Adventure Golf Solutions will tell you that the "sub-base" is king. If you’re building outdoors, you need a crushed stone base that allows water to move. If it puddles, your turf rots. It smells. It looks like a swamp within six months.
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And then there is the flow. This is where the money is made or lost.
In the industry, we call this "throughput." If Hole 3 is a complex multi-level structure that takes five minutes to complete, but Hole 4 is a straight shot that takes thirty seconds, you’ve just created a massive bottleneck. You’ll have twenty angry people standing around Hole 3 checking their watches. You want a steady pulse. Usually, that means keeping the average play time per hole under 90 seconds.
Materials: Don't Cheap Out on the Carpet
You’ll be tempted to buy "landscaping grass" from a big-box hardware store. Do not do this. It isn't designed for the friction of a golf ball or the sheer violence of a thousand children's feet. You need high-spec polypropylene or nylon needle-punch carpet.
Standard landscaping turf has a "grain." If the grass leans left, the ball rolls left. In crazy golf, that’s infuriating. Dedicated golf turf is non-directional. It’s also incredibly dense. If you can pull the fibers out with your fingers, it’s the wrong stuff.
Obstacles and "The Cheat"
Every course needs a "hero" hole. This is the one people take photos of for Instagram. Maybe it’s a massive volcano that "erupts" with smoke or a loop-the-loop. But here is a secret: the best obstacles are the ones that look hard but are actually easy.
Why? Because high-fives sell more tickets than frustration.
If a player gets a hole-in-one on your "impossible" obstacle, they feel like a legend. They tell their friends. They come back. If they take seven shots and have to pick the ball up and move it, they leave annoyed. Design your slopes so that the ball naturally funnels toward the cup if it hits the general "sweet spot."
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Indoor vs. Outdoor: The Brutal Reality
Building a crazy golf course indoors is a different beast entirely. You don't have to worry about rain, sure, but you do have to worry about sound. A dozen groups shouting in a warehouse with concrete walls sounds like a riot. You’ll need acoustic baffles.
Indoor courses also lean heavily into the "Competitive Socializing" trend. This is basically the industry term for "putting a bar in the middle of the course." Brands like Swingers or Junkyard Golf in the UK have mastered this. They aren't selling golf; they are selling cocktails with a side of activity. If you go this route, your floor needs to be spill-proof. Someone will drop a strawberry daiquiri on Hole 14.
Outdoor courses, meanwhile, live and die by the weather and the "curb appeal." Landscaping isn't just decoration. It’s a barrier. You use bushes and rocks to hide the people on Hole 7 from the people on Hole 2. It makes the course feel bigger and more private.
The Math of the Hole
A standard cup is 4.25 inches in diameter. In crazy golf, you can sometimes get away with slightly larger cups for "fun" holes, but sticking to the standard keeps the game feeling legitimate. The depth of the hole matters too. If it’s too shallow, the ball will bounce out at high speeds.
Drainage in the cup is a detail everyone forgets. If it rains, that cup becomes a bucket. You need a hole drilled through the bottom of the cup leading into the drainage layer of the sub-base. Otherwise, your players are fishing balls out of murky water. Gross.
Legalities and "The Boring Paperwork"
ADA compliance (or the equivalent Equality Act standards in the UK) is not optional. You need a certain number of holes to be accessible for wheelchairs. This means no steep steps and a minimum width for the paths.
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Insurance is another hurdle. Crazy golf is generally safe, but people are remarkably good at hurting themselves. They trip over the edge of the greens. They swing putters like baseball bats. You need public liability insurance that specifically covers "leisure activities."
Maintenance Is the Silent Killer
The sun is your enemy. UV rays bleach the green out of your turf until it looks like a sickly lime color. High-quality UV-stabilized turf is more expensive, but it lasts five years instead of two.
You also need a high-powered leaf blower. You’ll use it every single morning. A single twig or a handful of sand on the green will ruin the trajectory of a ball. It makes the course feel abandoned.
Actionable Steps for the Aspiring Owner
- Site Analysis: Measure your space. You need about 400 to 600 square meters for a decent 18-hole outdoor course. Indoor can be smaller, around 300, if you get creative with verticality.
- The 3-Shot Rule: Design every hole so that even a bad player can finish in three shots. If a hole is too hard, remove the obstacle or change the angle.
- Lighting: If you're outdoors, install floodlights. The "golden hour" and evening slots are your highest-margin times because you can attract the adult/date-night crowd.
- Putter Inventory: Buy 20% more putters than your maximum capacity. They get bent. They get stolen. They wear out. Have three different sizes: toddler, child, and adult.
- The Scorecard: Don't just make it a list of numbers. Put a map on the back. Put a coupon for a local ice cream shop on it. Make it something they don't just throw on the floor.
Building a crazy golf course is a mix of civil engineering and theater. You're building a stage where people get to be "good" at something for forty-five minutes. Focus on the sub-base and the drainage first. The giant fiberglass gorilla can come later.
If you get the flow right and the turf is high-quality, the business basically runs itself. Just keep the leaves off the greens and the beer cold. The rest usually takes care of itself.