The internet is a wild place. One minute you're watching a reality show about TikTok moms in Utah, and the next, you're knee-deep in subreddits debating the sexual orientation of a man you’ve never met. That’s basically the life of Conner Leavitt right now. Since The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives hit Hulu, the "Conner Mormon Wives gay" searches have absolutely exploded. People are obsessed. They're dissecting his dance moves, his clothes, and every tear he sheds on camera.
But honestly? The story is a lot heavier than just some "zesty" dancing or a Dior sweater.
The "Lavender Marriage" Rumors Explained
If you’ve spent any time on MomTok or the show’s Reddit threads, you’ve heard the term. A lavender marriage. For those not in the loop, it’s a slang term for a "marriage of convenience" used to hide the fact that one or both partners are gay. Fans have been lobbing this at Whitney and Conner for years.
The speculation really caught fire when Whitney admitted in Season 1 that Conner had been on Tinder and had a "porn addiction." The internet, being the internet, immediately jumped to a conclusion: "Wait, Tinder doesn't let you send photos, but Grindr does. Maybe he was actually on Grindr?"
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There is zero actual proof of this. Like, none.
Whitney has spent a huge chunk of 2024 and 2025 trying to shut this down. She even posted a TikTok with the caption "proof this isn't a lavender marriage," showing them dancing and kissing. Did it work? Kinda. Some fans thought it was sweet. Others just doubled down, calling it "performance." You really can't win with the court of public opinion.
Why Everyone Is Talking About Conner Leavitt’s Sexuality
So, why him? Why not the other husbands?
Well, Conner is... different. In a world of "Alpha" Mormon husbands who sometimes come across as a bit rigid (looking at you, Zac Affleck), Conner is soft. He’s emotionally available. He cries. He’s supportive of Whitney even when she’s being the "villain" of the season.
In the hyper-masculine culture of the LDS church, being a "sensitive guy" often gets mislabeled.
The Tinder Scandal and the "Confused" Label
During the Season 1 premiere, it came out that they moved to Hawaii to save their marriage because of Conner’s "infidelity" online. He admitted to making terrible decisions. He was "sexually confused."
In the world of Mormonism, "sexually confused" is often used as a euphemism for Same-Sex Attraction (SSA). Because of that specific phrasing, the rumor mill went into overdrive. People started claiming they knew a guy who knew a guy who saw him on a gay dating app. Again, it's all hearsay.
The Truth Behind the "Confusion"
It wasn't until the Season 2 reunion (which aired in May 2025) that we got the real, heartbreaking context. Conner opened up about something incredibly private: he was sexually assaulted as a young boy.
He explained that his "porn addiction" and his acting out on dating apps weren't about his orientation. They were a maladaptive coping mechanism rooted in that childhood trauma. It was about trying to regain a sense of control and security that was stolen from him.
Honestly, it changed the vibe of the entire conversation. Suddenly, the "gay jokes" felt a lot less like harmless gossip and a lot more like bullying a trauma survivor.
The Reality of Being Gay in the Mormon Church
We have to acknowledge why these rumors stick so easily. The LDS church has a complicated, often painful history with the LGBTQ+ community. For a long time, the "fix" for a gay man in the church was to get married to a woman, have kids, and basically "pray it away."
Many viewers see Conner and Whitney and think they’re seeing a classic Mormon "cover-up."
- Pressure to marry: In Utah culture, getting married young is the standard.
- The "Ideal" Family: Having children and a temple marriage is the ultimate goal.
- Repression: Many people in the church don't even have the vocabulary to discuss sexuality until they're well into adulthood.
Because these patterns exist in real life, fans project them onto the cast. But just because a pattern exists doesn't mean it applies to Conner. He’s been very clear that he loves his wife and is committed to his family. They even welcomed their third child, Billy Gene, in late 2024.
Moving Past the Speculation
At the end of the day, speculating on someone’s sexuality is a slippery slope. Whether it’s Conner, Dakota Mortensen, or anyone else on the show, we’re only seeing a tiny, edited slice of their lives.
Conner has shown a lot of resilience. He’s working a remote job at a hedge fund, helping raise three kids, and navigating a high-profile marriage under a microscope. He even supported Whitney during her stint on Dancing with the Stars in 2025.
If you're still looking for a "smoking gun" about Conner being gay, you're probably going to be disappointed. The most "expert" take here isn't about his orientation—it's about how we treat people who don't fit a specific mold of masculinity.
Actionable Takeaways for Fans
If you’re following the Secret Lives drama, keep these things in mind to stay grounded:
- Respect the Trauma: Understand that "sexual confusion" in a religious context can refer to many things, including the aftermath of assault.
- Verify the Source: Most "Grindr" claims come from anonymous Reddit accounts with no receipts. Take them with a massive grain of salt.
- Masculinity is a Spectrum: Being a "soft" or "emotional" man doesn't dictate who you are attracted to.
- Watch the Reunion: If you haven't seen the Season 2 reunion, go back and watch it. It provides the necessary nuance that the 15-second TikTok clips leave out.
The Leavitts seem to be one of the few couples on the show who are actually putting in the work through therapy and honest communication. Whether people believe them or not, they’re still standing.