We’ve all been there. You finish a long explanation, look your coworker or partner in the eye, and ask, "did you get that?" They nod. You walk away feeling confident. Then, three days later, everything falls apart because they absolutely did not get that.
Communication is messy. Honestly, it’s a miracle we understand each other at all.
When we ask if someone "got" what we said, we aren't just checking for audio reception. We are checking for alignment. We're asking if the mental map in their head matches the one in ours. Most of the time, those maps don't even use the same scale. Research from the Carnegie Institute of Technology famously suggested that 85% of financial success is due to "human engineering," which is basically just a fancy way of saying "being good at talking to people." If you can’t make sure people "get" your message, the other 15% of your technical knowledge doesn't really matter.
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The Illusion of Transparency
Psychologists call it the Illusion of Transparency. It's this pesky cognitive bias where we overestimate how much our internal states—and our intentions—are obvious to others. You think you’re being crystal clear. To the person listening, you’re a radio station fading in and out between static.
Why does this happen?
Well, your brain is a giant shortcut machine. You have "insider information" about your own thoughts. When you speak, you hear the subtext, the history, and the tone you intended to use. The listener only gets the raw data. If that data is shaky, the message dies.
Think about a simple text message. "Fine."
Does it mean "I am okay"?
Does it mean "I am currently planning your demise"?
Without the non-verbal cues that account for roughly 70-93% of communication (depending on which study by Albert Mehrabian you cite), the phrase did you get that becomes a desperate plea for clarity in a vacuum.
Why "Did You Get That?" Is Actually a Terrible Question
If you want to ensure someone understands you, asking "did you get that?" is probably the worst way to go about it. It’s a closed-ended question. It invites a "yes" or "no" answer. And because humans are social creatures who hate looking stupid, we almost always say "yes."
We lie. Not to be mean, but to survive the conversation.
If your boss explains a complex new software architecture and asks if you got it, saying "no" feels like admitting you're unqualified. So you nod. You "get" it... until you sit down at your desk and realize you have no idea where to start.
The "Check-Back" Method
Instead of asking a binary question, experts in high-stakes environments—like surgeons or airline pilots—use "closed-loop communication." It’s a standard protocol where the receiver repeats the information back to the sender.
In a cockpit, if a pilot says "descend to 2,000 feet," the co-pilot doesn't just say "got it." They say "descending to 2,000 feet." This confirms the specific data points. In your daily life, this looks like asking, "Just so I'm sure I explained that well, what’s your takeaway on the next steps?"
It shifts the burden of "getting it" from the listener to the speaker. You aren't testing their intelligence; you're testing your own clarity.
Cultural Nuance and the "High-Context" Trap
Sometimes, whether or not someone "gets it" depends entirely on where they grew up.
Anthropologist Edward T. Hall coined the terms "high-context" and "low-context" cultures. In low-context cultures like the United States or Germany, we tend to be literal. We say what we mean. If I ask did you get that, I am looking for a factual confirmation.
In high-context cultures—think Japan, South Korea, or Saudi Arabia—the meaning is often buried in the relationship, the setting, and the silence. In these environments, asking "did you get that?" can be seen as blunt or even rude. The understanding is assumed through shared experience. If you’re a literal person working in a high-context environment, you’re going to miss a lot of "it." You’ll think you got it. You didn’t. You missed the three things they didn't say, which were the most important parts of the meeting.
The Cognitive Load Factor
Sometimes people don't "get it" because their brain is literally full.
Cognitive Load Theory, developed by John Sweller in the 1980s, suggests our working memory has a very limited capacity. If you dump too much information at once, the "buffer" overflows.
Imagine you’re giving someone directions.
"Turn left at the light, then go three blocks, look for the blue house, but don't turn there, turn at the house after it, then take a sharp right, and if you see the gas station, you've gone too far."
By the time you ask did you get that, their brain has already deleted the "blue house" to make room for the "gas station." They have the last 10% of what you said. The first 90% is gone.
- Break it down. Explain one concept.
- Wait. - Verify.
- Move on.
It’s slower, but it’s faster than having to explain it all again tomorrow when the project fails.
When "That" Is Emotional, Not Informational
Not every did you get that refers to a set of instructions. Sometimes, it’s about empathy.
When you’re venting to a friend about a rough day, you aren't looking for them to memorize your itinerary. You’re asking if they "get" your feelings. This is what psychologists call "validation."
In this scenario, "getting it" means mirroring. If you say, "I'm so frustrated with my sister," and they respond, "So you're saying she was late again?" they didn't get it. They got the facts. They missed the emotion. If they say, "That sounds incredibly draining," they got it.
The "it" in did you get that is a moving target. You have to know what you're aiming for before you pull the trigger.
Digital Noise and the Death of Context
We live in the era of Slack, Discord, and endless email threads. The "get it" rate is plummeting.
Without the rhythm of human speech, we lose the "music" of communication. We read motives into periods and exclamation points. A "Thanks." feels aggressive. A "Thanks!" feels patronizing. We spend half our day wondering if we "got" the tone of a message from a manager.
If a conversation is important, get off the screen.
The Media Richness Theory (Daft and Lengel) argues that different media have varying capacities for resolving ambiguity. A face-to-face talk is a "rich" medium. An email is "lean." If you find yourself asking did you get that over email more than three times in a row, the medium is the problem. Pick up the phone.
Practical Steps to Ensure Your Message Lands
Stop hoping people understand you and start ensuring they do. Clarity is a skill, not a personality trait.
Flip the Script
Don't ask "Do you understand?" Ask "What's your understanding of what we just discussed?" It forces the other person to process the information rather than just mirroring a "yes."
The Rule of Three
Human brains love sets of three. If you have five points, you have two too many. Group your information into three main buckets. It makes the "it" in did you get that much smaller and easier to catch.
Visual Aids Aren't Just for Boardrooms
If you're explaining something complex, draw it. Even a crude sketch on a napkin provides a physical reference point. It moves the information from the auditory loop to the visual-spatial sketchpad in the brain.
Check the Environment
You can't "get" a message if you're distracted. If there’s a TV on, or people are whispering nearby, or the person you’re talking to is checking their watch, stop. You are wasting your breath. Wait for a "low-noise" window.
Embrace the Silence
After you say something big, shut up. Give the listener five seconds to let the data settle. Most people ask did you get that because they are uncomfortable with the silence that follows a heavy explanation. Let them think.
The goal of communication isn't just to speak; it's to be understood. If you find yourself constantly frustrated that people "just don't get it," the common denominator might be the way the message is being packaged. Reframing your approach from "telling" to "sharing" changes the dynamic entirely. Next time you're about to ask if someone "got that," try asking them what they think the first step should be instead. Their answer will tell you everything you need to know.