Crunch. That's the sound of anticipation. You’ve polished off a pile of orange chicken, your fingers are a little sticky, and there it is—the plastic-wrapped crescent of vanilla-scented dough. Most people expect a vague platitude about "new beginnings" or "wealth coming your way." But every so often, the universe—or a very bored factory worker—decides to get weird. We're talking about dirty fortune cookie sayings, those rare, eyebrow-raising slips of paper that turn a family dinner into an awkward silence or a fit of giggles.
It’s a specific kind of subculture.
Most of these don't actually come from the standard Wonton Food Inc. production line in Brooklyn. They’re intentional. They're niche. And honestly, they’ve become a staple of bachelorette parties and "over the hill" birthdays because the standard "You will travel to many places" just doesn't hit the same when you’re three drinks deep.
The Secret World of Misprinted and "Adult" Fortunes
Let's get one thing straight: real-deal "dirty" fortunes are rarely accidents. The industry is dominated by a few massive players. Wonton Food Inc. produces about 4.5 million cookies a day. They have a "Chief Fortune Writer"—for years, this was Donald Lau—who spent decades trying to keep things poetic and upbeat. Lau eventually stepped down because of writer's block. Imagine having to come up with 10,000 ways to say "be nice to your neighbor" without sounding like a broken record. It’s hard work.
Because the mainstream stuff is so sanitized, a vacuum opened up.
Companies like Misfortune Cookies or various Etsy creators jumped in to fill the void with "dirty fortune cookie sayings" that range from mildly suggestive to "I can't believe I just read that out loud in front of my grandma." These are the ones that lean into the "In Bed" joke. You know the one. You read your fortune, and then you add the phrase "in bed" to the end. It’s a classic American tradition, supposedly popularized in the 1930s or 40s, though nobody can quite pin down the exact origin.
Sometimes, though, the "dirty" factor is a total accident. Translation errors are a goldmine for unintentional comedy. When a factory in a non-English speaking country tries to translate a proverb about "stiffness" or "swelling," the results are... well, they're memorable.
Why the "In Bed" Rule Works Every Single Time
It's a linguistic miracle. "The path to success is long and hard." (In bed.) "You will find great joy in a small package." (In bed.) "Prepare for a big surprise tonight." (In bed.)
It works because fortunes are written in the "future imperative" or use vague descriptors. They are designed to be Rorschach tests. We project our lives onto them. When you add a sexualized tag to the end, you’re just exploiting the inherent ambiguity of the English language. It’s low-brow humor, sure, but it’s been a staple of American dining for nearly a century.
Where to Find the Real Raunchy Stuff
If you're looking for dirty fortune cookie sayings that go beyond the "in bed" trope, you have to go to the specialists. There are boutique bakeries that handle nothing but "adult" cookies.
- The Bachelorette Staple: These usually focus on "size" jokes or upcoming "performances." They’re predictable but effective for the vibe.
- The "Mean" Fortune: A subset of the dirty fortune is the one that’s just plain rude. "You are not special." "Nobody is looking at you." These are often grouped in the same category because they both break the "sanitized" rule of the traditional restaurant experience.
- The Accidental Innuendo: These are the holy grail. A real fortune from a real restaurant that says something like, "A long-lost friend will provide a firm hand."
I remember a specific instance at a hole-in-the-wall spot in San Francisco. My friend cracked open a cookie, and the slip simply said: "The wood is calling for a master." We stared at it for five minutes. Was it about carpentry? Was it a weirdly poetic take on nature? Or was it a dirty fortune cookie saying that slipped through the cracks of a 20-cent cookie? We’ll never know.
The Psychology of the "Naughty" Fortune
Why do we care? Why does a piece of paper in a cookie matter?
👉 See also: Grams of sugar in tbsp: Why Your Tablespoon Measurements Are Probably Lying to You
Psychologists call it "incongruity-resolution theory." Humor happens when there’s a gap between what we expect and what we get. We expect a boring, safe message. When we get something "dirty" or "inappropriate," the brain has to bridge that gap. The release of that tension comes out as a laugh.
Also, it's a shared experience. No one reads a fortune cookie alone in silence. You read it to the table. A dirty fortune turns a passive moment of eating into an active moment of social bonding. It’s a "disruptor" in the best way possible.
How to Make Your Own (The DIY Approach)
You don't have to wait for a miracle at the local buffet. If you’re hosting a party and want to curate your own dirty fortune cookie sayings, it’s actually surprisingly easy. You don't even have to bake the cookies.
- The Steam Method: This is the pro tip. Buy a bag of standard fortune cookies. Put a pot of water on the stove and get it steaming. Hold a cookie over the steam with tongs for about 30-45 seconds. It will become pliable.
- The Swap: Use tweezers to pull out the boring "wealth and health" slip. Slide in your own custom-printed dirty saying.
- The Reshape: Hold the cookie in its original shape for a few seconds as it cools. It will harden back up, and your secret is safe inside.
This is a game-changer for 21st birthday parties. Just make sure you don't mix them up with the cookies you're serving to your boss. That’s a HR meeting waiting to happen.
The Legal and Cultural Side of the Cookie
Believe it or not, there have been instances where fortunes caused real trouble. In 2005, 110 people won the Powerball second prize because they all used the "lucky numbers" from a Wonton Food cookie. The odds were astronomical.
📖 Related: Rent a G Wagon: What Most People Get Wrong About the Experience
But when it comes to "dirty" content, the industry is self-policing. Most major manufacturers won't touch anything remotely spicy. They know their audience is families. This is why the dirty fortune cookie sayings market is almost entirely driven by small-batch creators and "gag gift" companies. They aren't trying to sell to the local Jade Garden; they’re selling to Spencer’s Gifts or Etsy shoppers.
There’s also a cultural layer. The fortune cookie isn't even Chinese. It’s a Japanese-American invention, likely originating in California. Because it’s an "invented" tradition, it’s always been more flexible and open to parody than more ancient customs. We don't feel "disrespectful" putting a dirty joke in a fortune cookie because the cookie itself was born out of a mix of marketing and immigrant ingenuity.
Real Examples of What to Expect
If you buy a box of "Adult Fortune Cookies" today, you're likely to see things like:
- "Your silk sheets will see more action than your keyboard tonight."
- "That 'extra' you've been wanting? It's coming. In bed."
- "A firm grip is better than a weak promise."
- "You will soon be tasting something exotic and salty."
It's "dad joke" humor but with a TV-MA rating.
The Verdict on the Trend
Are dirty fortunes a flash in the pan? Probably not. We’ve been adding "in bed" to these things for eighty years. The desire to subvert the "boring" parts of daily life is a permanent human trait. We like the surprise. We like the slight blush that comes with a well-placed double entendre.
👉 See also: Flying Lion Fish Sauce: The Cult Secret of Vietnamese Pantries
If you're planning an event or just want to mess with your friends, getting your hands on some dirty fortune cookie sayings is a low-cost, high-reward move. Just keep the "In Bed" rule in your back pocket for emergencies. It’s the ultimate backup plan for a dull dessert.
Next Steps for Your Next Party
If you want to bring this to your next gathering, don't just buy a random box. Check the "spice level" of the seller first. Some are "clean-ish" (PG-13), while others are full-blown "X-rated." If you're going the DIY route, use a laser printer; inkjet ink can bleed into the cookie if it gets slightly damp from the steam, and nobody wants to eat a side of black ink with their "dirty" joke.
Find a reputable boutique seller like Fancy Fortune Cookies if you want custom ones that actually taste good. Most "gag" cookies taste like cardboard, but if you're going to make people laugh, you might as well give them a cookie they can actually swallow.
Lastly, always have a "clean" backup. If the vibe in the room shifts or someone's conservative uncle shows up unexpectedly, you’ll be glad you didn’t give him the one about the "firm hand." Keep the raunchy ones for the inner circle.