End-of-life planning is usually a total drag. It’s clinical. It’s cold. Honestly, most people avoid it because filling out a standard living will feels like you’re reading a car insurance policy written by a robot who hates humans. That is exactly why Jim Towey, who worked closely with Mother Teresa, created something different back in 1996. He wanted a document that actually sounded like a person wrote it. He called it Five Wishes. But here is the thing: because it’s a proprietary document owned by the non-profit Aging with Dignity, finding a free five wishes document can be surprisingly tricky if you don't know where to look.
Most people assume legal documents have to be bought from a lawyer's office for a few hundred bucks. Not this one. While the official printed versions usually cost about five dollars, there are plenty of legitimate ways to get your hands on it without opening your wallet. It’s about more than just medical directives; it’s about who is going to brush your hair or what kind of music you want playing when the lights start to dim.
What the Five Wishes actually covers (and why it’s weirdly popular)
You’ve probably heard of a Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare. It's a mouthful. It’s also just one part of the puzzle. The Five Wishes document is different because it’s written in "everyday language." It’s legally recognized in 46 states and DC. If you live in a state like Texas or Ohio, you might need to attach a little extra paperwork, but for the most part, it’s the gold standard for people who want to keep things simple.
The first wish is the big one. It’s about naming your "health care agent." This is the person you trust to make decisions when you’re out of commission. It’s a heavy responsibility. You shouldn't just pick your oldest kid because they’re the oldest; you pick the one who won't crumble under pressure when a doctor asks a hard question.
The second wish gets into the weeds of medical treatment. Do you want life support? If you’re in a coma and the docs say you aren't coming back, do you want the machines kept on? It’s blunt. It’s necessary.
The remaining wishes are where things get "human." Wish three is about comfort—basically, do you want the good pain meds? Wish four covers how you want people to treat you. Do you want someone to hold your hand? Do you want to be at home or in a hospice? Wish five is the message to your family. It’s the "I love you" and the "please don't fight over my record collection" section.
How to snag a free five wishes document today
Don't just go to a random "free legal forms" website. Most of those are scams or outdated. If you want the real deal, you have to look for organizations that have already paid the licensing fee for you.
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Many hospices and hospitals keep stacks of these in their lobby. They want you to have them. It makes their job a thousand times easier if they know what you want. You can literally walk into a local hospice center and ask, "Hey, do you guys have any Five Wishes booklets?" Nine times out of ten, they’ll hand you one for free.
Insurance providers are another secret weapon. Companies like UnitedHealthcare or Aetna often provide these as part of their "member wellness" or "advance care planning" programs. If you have a Medicare Advantage plan, log into your portal. Search for "advance directives." Often, there’s a PDF link right there.
Digital versions and state-specific quirks
Some states are picky. Even though Five Wishes is widely accepted, Indiana, New Hampshire, Kansas, and Ohio have specific "mandatory" forms that look a bit different. If you live there, you can still fill out a Five Wishes form, but you should keep it as a supplement to your state’s official statutory form.
Technology has caught up, too. Aging with Dignity offers an online version. While they usually charge for it, many community workshops or "Death Cafes" (yes, those are real things where people drink tea and talk about dying) give out voucher codes. These codes allow you to bypass the payment screen and get your free five wishes document digitally.
Why the "Human" side of this matters so much
Let’s be real for a second. Death is messy. When a family is in a hospital waiting room at 2:00 AM, they are terrified. They are exhausted. If there is no plan, they start arguing. One kid wants to keep fighting, the other thinks it's time to let go. It’s a nightmare.
Having this document is basically a gift to your survivors. You’re taking the burden off their shoulders. You aren’t making them choose; you’ve already chosen. You’re telling them, "Hey, if I’m in this spot, this is what I want. Don't feel guilty."
Expert palliative care doctors, like Dr. Ira Byock (who wrote The Four Things That Matter Most), constantly emphasize that end-of-life care isn't just about medicine. It's about "completion." It's about saying what needs to be said. The Five Wishes framework facilitates that. It’s less about the law and more about the relationship.
Common misconceptions that mess people up
A big mistake people make is thinking they need a lawyer to sign off on this. You don't. In most states, you just need two witnesses. Some states require a notary, but you can find a notary at your local bank for five bucks, or sometimes for free if you have an account there.
Another myth? That you can’t change your mind. You can literally tear the document up today and write a new one tomorrow. The most recent dated document is the one that sticks.
Also, don't put it in a safe deposit box! This is a classic blunder. If you’re in the ER on a Sunday night, nobody has the key to your safe deposit box. Your healthcare agent needs a copy. Your doctor needs a copy. Keep your copy on the fridge or in a bedside drawer—somewhere obvious.
Practical steps to get your plan finished
Getting a free five wishes document is only half the battle. Filling it out is the hard part. People get "analysis paralysis" and leave it blank for years.
- Call your local hospice. Ask for the volunteer coordinator or the social work department. Ask if they provide the Five Wishes booklet to the community. They almost always do.
- Check with your employer. If you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), they often have legal and end-of-life planning resources that include these documents at no cost to you.
- Use the "Search and Scan" method on Google. Search for your "State + Area Agency on Aging." These are government-funded groups that help seniors. They almost always have stacks of these documents for free.
- Schedule a "Paperwork Sunday." Sit down with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. Don't try to be perfect. Just be honest.
- Talk to your "Agent" before you sign. Don't surprise someone by naming them your healthcare proxy. Ask them, "Hey, if I'm ever in a bad way, are you okay making the call based on what I wrote here?" Some people aren't up for it, and it’s better to know that now.
Once it's signed and witnessed, make three photocopies. Give one to your primary doctor. Give one to your proxy. Keep the original. If you want to be extra prepared, scan it and keep a PDF on your phone. Most hospitals now have systems where they can upload these directly into your Electronic Health Record (EHR).
Taking these steps ensures that your voice is heard, even if you can't speak for yourself. It’s one of the few things in life you can actually control. Get it done, put it away, and go back to living your life without that nagging "I should really do that" feeling in the back of your head.