Let’s be real. First times are rarely like the movies. There’s usually no slow-motion montage, no perfectly timed music, and honestly, a fair amount of "wait, does this go here?"
When people start searching for positions for first time sex, they’re often looking for a magic bullet—a specific angle that guarantees zero pain and maximum fireworks. But bodies are weirdly shaped puzzles. What works for your best friend might feel like a literal gym workout for you. Most of the anxiety around the "first time" stems from the unknown, but once you strip away the cinematic expectations, it’s basically just two people trying to figure out a new physical skill. Think of it like learning to ride a bike, but with more skin and way more blushing.
Why Missionary is Actually a Classic for a Reason
You might think missionary is "boring" or "basic" because the internet says so. Forget that. For your first time, missionary is arguably the gold standard because it allows for total eye contact and easy communication. If something hurts or feels weird, you’re face-to-face. You can see their expression. You can hear them breathe.
Clinical sexologist Dr. Dawn Michael often points out that missionary provides the most "grounding" for beginners. It’s stable. To make it better, grab a pillow. Seriously. Sliding a firm pillow under the receiver’s hips changes the pelvic tilt, making entry much smoother and shallower, which is a huge deal if you're nervous about discomfort. It’s a small tweak that shifts the entire geometry of the experience.
It’s not just about the mechanics, though. The skin-to-skin contact in this position releases oxytocin—the "bonding hormone"—which can help lower the cortisol (stress hormone) levels that are probably spiking because you're overthinking everything.
The Spooning Alternative
If missionary feels too intense or "confrontational," spooning is the underrated MVP. You both lie on your sides, one behind the other. It’s incredibly low-effort. You don’t have to worry about holding your body weight up or ভারসাম্য (balance).
Because the penetration isn't as deep in this position, it's often way more comfortable for a first-timer. It feels protective. Cozy. It’s also great because it leaves hands free for other types of touch, which is vital because—newsflash—the main event isn't the only thing that matters. In fact, for many women, the "main event" isn't even how they reach climax. According to a study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, only about 18% of women reach orgasm through intercourse alone. That’s a small number. Use your hands.
Doggy Style: Maybe Wait a Beat?
You see this in every music video and adult film. It looks "cool." But for a first time? It can be a bit much. The angle of entry in doggy style is often very direct and can hit the cervix, which, for many, feels more like a sharp "ow" than a "wow."
If you’re dead set on trying it, don’t go full 90-degree angle. Have the receiver lay flatter against the bed—sometimes called "lazy doggy." This narrows the canal and makes things feel a bit more snug and controlled. It’s all about the "transition." You don't have to jump into high-intensity maneuvers right away.
The "Woman on Top" Myth
You'll hear people say that being on top is the best of the positions for first time sex because the person on top has "all the control."
True.
But also? It’s exhausting.
If you’ve never done this before, trying to figure out the rhythm, the depth, and the balance while your quads are screaming at you is a lot to handle. If you want to try it, try "cowgirl" but with the person on top leaning forward so their weight is supported by their partner's chest. It turns it into a modified missionary but gives the person on top the ability to grind rather than just thrust. Grinding often provides much better clitoral stimulation, which, as we discussed, is usually the real star of the show anyway.
Communication Beats Geometry
The best position in the world won't save a session if nobody is talking. "Does this feel okay?" is a sexy sentence. "A little to the left" is a game-changer.
Most people are terrified of "ruining the mood" by speaking. Honestly, the mood is already weird because it's the first time. Speaking makes it human. It breaks the tension. If things get clunky or someone slips, laugh. Laughter is the best lubricant for awkwardness. Speaking of lubricant—use it. Even if you think you don't need it. High-quality, water-based lube reduces friction and makes almost any position feel 50% better instantly.
👉 See also: Why a Tickle in the Throat Happens and How to Kill the Itch
Practical Steps for a Better First Experience
- Prep the environment: Dim the lights, put on a playlist that isn't distracting, and make sure you won't be interrupted. Anxiety is the enemy of arousal.
- Don't skip the "warm-up": Spend at least 15-20 minutes on foreplay. This isn't just a suggestion; it's biological. The body needs time to physically prepare (vasocongestion).
- The Pillow Trick: Always keep a spare pillow nearby. It’s the simplest tool for adjusting angles on the fly.
- Manage the "Post-Game": Have towels and water nearby. The "aftercare" is just as important for the emotional side of things as the positions are for the physical side.
- Set Realistic Goals: If the goal is "perfect life-changing sex," you might be disappointed. If the goal is "learning more about each other and having a safe experience," you'll win every time.
Focus on the person, not the "performance." Most of the stress comes from trying to look like a pro when you're a literal beginner. It's okay to be a beginner. Every expert you know started exactly where you are right now: wondering which way to lean and hoping they don't fall off the bed. Take it slow, keep the lube handy, and remember that the best position is whatever one makes you feel safe enough to actually enjoy yourself.