Ever stared at a word so long it started to look like a collection of random, meaningless shapes? It happens to the best of us. You’re typing a quick email, your fingers fly across the keys, and suddenly you pause. You’ve written "themselves," but it looks wrong. Is there an "m" in there? Does the "v" come before the "e"? Honestly, learning how to spell themselves shouldn't feel like a high-stakes spelling bee, but in the middle of a busy workday, the brain just glitches.
It’s a reflexive pronoun. That’s the technical term. It refers back to a plural subject or, increasingly in modern English, a singular subject when we don't know (or don't want to specify) someone's gender. People get tripped up because of the transition from "them" to "selves." We see that "v" and start questioning everything we learned in third grade.
Why We Struggle With This Word
The English language is a bit of a disaster. Let's be real. We have "myself," "yourself," and "himself," but then "themselves" shows up and ruins the pattern. Why isn't it "theirselves"? If you've ever thought that, you aren't crazy. Dialectically, "theirselves" exists in various regions of the United States and the UK, but if you put that in a formal essay or a business proposal, the red squiggly line of death will haunt your dreams.
Standard English requires the objective form of the pronoun ("them") to be paired with "selves."
Think about the phonetics. When you say it out loud, the "m" and the "s" collide in a way that makes the "m" feel almost silent if you’re speaking quickly. This leads to common typos like "themselfs" or the dreaded "themselves" with a missing "e."
Breaking Down the Anatomy of the Word
If you want to master how to spell themselves, you have to look at it as a composite. It’s two distinct units mashed together.
Them + Selves.
"Them" is the plural object. "Selves" is the plural of "self." When you combine them, the "f" in self undergoes a voicing change to a "v" because of the plural suffix "-es." This is a standard rule in English—think leaf to leaves or wife to wives. If you can remember that "selves" is just the plural of "self," the spelling becomes much more intuitive.
The Singular "Themself" Controversy
Here is where things get spicy. Language evolves. While we are focusing on how to spell themselves, we have to talk about its sibling: "themself."
For a long time, style guides like AP or Chicago would have told you "themself" is a non-word. They’d insist you use "themselves" even if referring to one person, or better yet, rewrite the sentence to avoid it. But the world changed. The singular "they" is now widely accepted by the Associated Press and the Oxford English Dictionary.
So, if you are writing about one person whose gender is unknown, do you use "themselves" or "themself"?
Most linguists now argue that "themself" is perfectly logical for a singular antecedent. However, if you are taking a standardized test or writing for a very conservative publication, stick to "themselves." It’s the safer bet. It’s the "prestige" spelling.
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Common Mistakes to Delete From Your Brain
- Themselfs: This is never right. You can't have a "v" and an "f" fighting for the same spot.
- Theirselves: As mentioned, this is a non-standard dialect form. It might sound natural in conversation depending on where you grew up, but it’s a no-go in professional writing.
- Them selves: Putting a space between them makes it look like you're talking about a group of people and their literal physical bodies in a very weird, philosophical way. Keep it as one word.
Real-World Usage and Nuance
Imagine you're writing a report. "The board members took it upon themselves to resolve the issue." Here, the plural is clear. There are multiple members.
Now, look at this: "Someone left themselves a note on the fridge."
In the second sentence, "themselves" acts as the singular reflexive. It sounds natural. If you tried to say "Someone left himself or herself a note," you’d sound like a robot from 1954. This is why understanding how to spell themselves is actually more about understanding modern rhythm than just memorizing a string of letters.
The key is the "v." That "v" is the bridge between the singular "self" and the plural "selves."
Why Spelling Still Matters in the Age of Autocorrect
You might think, "Who cares? My phone will fix it."
Sure. Until it doesn't. Autocorrect is notoriously bad at context. It might see "them" and "selves" and decide you meant "them shelves." I've seen it happen. If you're applying for a job or writing a high-stakes piece of content, a misspelling of a common word suggests a lack of attention to detail.
It’s about credibility.
When you know how to spell themselves without hesitation, you free up your brain to focus on the actual message you're trying to convey. You aren't stuttering in your head.
A Quick Trick for Memory
If you ever get stuck, just think of the word "elves."
Are they "elfs"? No. They are "elves."
The word "themselves" rhymes with "shelves" and "elves."
If you can spell Santa’s helpers, you can spell this word.
Moving Toward Linguistic Mastery
Language isn't a static set of rules carved in stone. It’s a living, breathing thing. But even in a fluid system, we need anchors. The spelling of "themselves" is one of those anchors. It connects our modern usage back to Old Norse and Old English roots, where "them" (þaim) and "self" (self) first began their long journey toward each other.
It’s a sturdy word. It’s a useful word.
Actionable Steps for Better Spelling
- Slow down at the "m": Most people make the mistake right after the "m." Train your hand to move straight to the "s."
- Use the "Elves" rule: Mentally associate the plural of self with the mythical creatures to remember the "v-e-s" ending.
- Read it aloud: If you’ve accidentally typed "theirselves," your ears will usually catch the clunky sound that your eyes missed.
- Check your singulars: If you are using "themselves" for a singular person, just double-check your company’s style guide. When in doubt, "themselves" is usually more accepted than "themself," even in 2026.
- Practice the muscle memory: Type the word ten times fast. Seriously. It builds the tactile habit so you don't have to "think" about the letters ever again.