You’re sitting at brunch, leaning over a mimosa, and you finally say it out loud to your best friend: "I like that guy." It sounds so simple. Three little words. But we both know that once those words leave your mouth, everything changes. The casual "we’re just hanging out" vibe dies a sudden death, and suddenly you’re analyzing the timestamp of a text message like it’s a fragment of the Dead Sea Scrolls. It’s exhausting.
Why does this happen?
Honestly, the "I like him" phase is probably the most psychologically taxing part of any burgeoning relationship. It’s that weird, liminal space between complete strangers and an actual committed couple. You have enough skin in the game to get hurt, but not enough security to feel safe.
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The Biology of the "I Like That Guy" Brain Fog
When you realize you've developed feelings, your brain basically decides to stage a coup. You aren't just being "dramatic." There is actual chemistry at play here. According to biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, who has spent decades scanning the brains of people in love, being in this early attraction phase is remarkably similar to a drug addiction.
Your brain starts pumping out dopamine. This is the reward chemical. It’s why you get that hit of euphoria when he likes your Instagram story. But it’s also why you feel a literal "crash" when he doesn't text back for six hours. You’re quite literally withdrawing. Then there’s norepinephrine, which gives you that jittery, can’t-eat, can't-sleep energy.
It’s a mess.
You’re trying to act cool. You want to be the "chill girl" or the low-maintenance partner. But your amygdala—the part of the brain that handles fear—is screaming because you’ve identified a high-value "resource" (this guy) and you’re terrified of losing it. This is where the overthinking starts.
Why We Sabotage the Early Stages
We've all done it. You decide I like that guy, and immediately, you start looking for reasons why it won't work. It’s a defense mechanism. Psychologists often point to "attachment theory" to explain this. If you have an anxious attachment style, the moment you like someone, your brain goes into overdrive trying to predict abandonment.
You might start:
- Texting too much to "check in."
- Pulling away because you’re scared he’ll reject you first.
- Interpreting a short "K" as a sign that he’s secretly dating his ex again.
It's wild how we can build an entire narrative out of nothing. The reality is usually much more boring. He’s probably just at the gym or playing video games. But when you’re in the thick of it, "boring" feels impossible.
The Social Media Surveillance Trap
Don't even get me started on the digital aspect. Back in the day, if you liked a guy, you just had to wait for the landline to ring. Now? You can see his "active" status on three different apps. You see him liking a photo of a girl you don't recognize.
It’s digital self-harm.
Research from the Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking journal has shown that "Facebook lurking" or social media monitoring of a romantic interest directly correlates with increased anxiety and decreased relationship satisfaction. You think you’re gathering information. You’re actually just feeding your own cortisol levels.
Moving From "I Like Him" to "We're Doing This"
So, how do you handle the transition? How do you stop the spiraling?
First, stop trying to be the "cool" person who doesn't care. Vulnerability is the only way through. If you’ve reached the point where you’re telling your friends I like that guy, you’re already past the point of being unbothered. Accept it.
Direct Communication (The Scary Part)
At some point, the "vibes" aren't enough. You have to use your words. This doesn't mean you need to propose marriage on the third date. It means being honest about your intentions.
"I've really been enjoying spending time with you, and I'm not really looking to see anyone else right now. Where are you at with things?"
It’s terrifying. Your heart will probably beat out of your chest. But the alternative is three months of "situationship" purgatory where you’re constantly wondering if you’re on the same page.
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The Power of the "Wait and See"
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to treat the first few months like an audition—but you are the casting director. Instead of worrying "Does he like me?" start asking "Do I actually like him?"
When we say I like that guy, we are often liking a version of him we've created in our heads. We like his potential. We like the way he looks in a suit. We like the fact that he's a Libra. But do you like how he treats the waiter? Do you like how he handles it when he’s stressed?
Slow down.
Practical Next Steps for Your Sanity
If you're currently in the "I like him" trenches, here is how you stay grounded:
- Set a "no-scroll" boundary. If you find yourself checking his followers or his Venmo history (yes, people do this), put the phone in another room. It provides zero useful data and 100% emotional distress.
- Keep your own life big. The biggest mistake people make when they like someone is shrinking their own world to fit that person in. Keep your Tuesday night pottery class. Go out with your friends. Don't cancel plans just because he sent a last-minute "u up?" text.
- Audit the "I like that guy" feeling. Is it genuine connection or is it just the chase? Sometimes we like the idea of someone because they feel slightly out of reach. That’s not love; that’s a dopamine loop.
- Watch for consistency over intensity. Anyone can be charming for four hours on a Saturday night. The guy worth liking is the one who is consistent on a boring Tuesday afternoon. Look for the "slow burn" rather than the "explosion."
The goal isn't to stop having feelings. That's impossible. The goal is to keep your dignity and your sanity while those feelings are sorted out. Whether it turns into a long-term relationship or just a funny story you tell at your next brunch, you’ll be fine. Just breathe, put the phone down, and let things unfold at their own pace.