It is a Saturday afternoon. Three men are standing around an open car hood, staring at a battery terminal like it’s a sacred relic. They aren't talking much. They’re just... nodding. If you ask them what they're doing, one might shrug and say, "It’s a guy thing."
What does that even mean anymore?
People love to roll their eyes at the phrase. It feels like a relic of the 1950s, right up there with "don't worry your pretty little head about it." Yet, despite decades of shifting gender roles and a massive overhaul in how we talk about masculinity, the phrase its a guy thing persists. It’s a linguistic catch-all. It covers everything from an inexplicable obsession with pressure washing a driveway to the silent bond of watching a football game without speaking for three hours. It’s shorthand for behaviors that seem nonsensical to anyone outside the "tribe."
But beneath the surface, it isn't just about refusing to ask for directions or liking things that go "vroom." It’s actually a window into how men communicate, bond, and process the world.
The Science of Side-by-Side Bonding
We need to talk about how men actually make friends. Sociologists often distinguish between "face-to-face" and "side-by-side" interactions. Women, generally speaking, tend to favor face-to-face communication—think coffee dates, deep eye contact, and verbalizing internal states. Men? Not so much.
For men, bonding is usually "side-by-side."
This is where the "guy thing" starts. It’s the act of doing something together while looking at a third object—a screen, a grill, a broken lawnmower, or a fishing bobber. Researchers like Dr. Ronald Levant, an expert on masculine psychology, have noted that men often feel more comfortable sharing vulnerability when the focus isn't directly on them. When a man says "its a guy thing" to explain why he spent six hours helping a friend move heavy furniture without once talking about his feelings, he’s acknowledging a specific type of unspoken loyalty.
The shared activity is the language.
If you've ever seen a group of men communicate entirely in movie quotes, you've seen this in action. It’s low-stakes. It’s safe. It builds a shared history without the perceived "risk" of emotional exposure that many men were conditioned to avoid from a young age. Honestly, it’s a survival mechanism for maintaining social ties in a culture that historically penalized men for being too "soft."
The "Useless" Project and the Need for Competence
Ever notice how some guys get weirdly obsessed with things that have zero impact on their actual lives?
Maybe it’s memorizing the stats of a backup quarterback from the 1984 Dolphins. Or perhaps it's spending an entire weekend perfecting the "bark" on a smoked brisket. To an observer, it looks like a colossal waste of time. But to the guy, it’s about mastery.
The drive for competence is a massive part of why we label certain hobbies as "guy things."
In a world where many jobs are abstract—emails, spreadsheets, meetings about meetings—men often crave something tangible. They want a problem with a clear solution. When a guy spends hours researching the exact PSI needed for his tires, he isn't just being a nerd. He's reclaiming a sense of agency. It’s a guy thing because it’s a response to the "desk-ification" of the modern male experience.
The Language of Playful Insults
If you walk into a locker room or a garage and hear a group of men ruthlessly mocking each other's hairlines or career choices, you might think they hate each other.
In reality, they’ve probably never been closer.
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This is "ribbing" or "banter." It’s a common feature of male friendships that often baffles outsiders. It’s a test of resilience. By insulting each other in a controlled, affectionate way, men signal that they are part of an "in-group" where they trust each other enough to take a hit.
- It creates a thick skin.
- It establishes a hierarchy that is surprisingly fluid.
- It acts as a pressure valve for stress.
When someone asks, "Why are you guys so mean to each other?" and the answer is "its a guy thing," it's a way of saying: "This is how we show love without having to say the words." It’s paradoxical, sure, but it’s real.
When the Phrase Becomes a Shield
We have to be honest here. The phrase isn't always used for wholesome bonding.
Sometimes, its a guy thing is used as an "ignore" button for bad behavior. It’s been used to excuse emotional distance, "boys will be boys" antics, or a refusal to participate in the domestic labor of a household. When used this way, it stops being a description of a unique bonding style and starts being a barrier to growth.
Experts in the field of modern masculinity, like those at the Good Men Project, often argue that the goal isn't to kill off "guy things," but to expand the definition. You can love the "side-by-side" bonding of a woodworking shop while also being able to tell your friend you're struggling with burnout. The two don't have to be mutually exclusive.
The nuance matters.
The traditional "guy thing" of refusing to go to the doctor, for example, is a dangerous trope. Statistics from the CDC consistently show that men are less likely to seek preventative care than women. In this context, the phrase isn't a quirky cultural trait; it’s a health risk. We have to be able to tell the difference between a harmless preference for action movies and a harmful rejection of self-care.
The Evolution of "The Thing"
Is the concept dying? Probably not. It’s just changing.
The "guy things" of 2026 look different than the ones in 1996. We're seeing a rise in "nerd culture" becoming the dominant male bonding space. Gaming marathons, Discord servers, and fantasy sports leagues have replaced the bowling leagues of the past. The medium changed, but the mechanics stayed the same: shared activity, specialized knowledge, and a sense of belonging to a specific group.
Even the way men handle fatherhood is becoming a "guy thing." There’s a whole subculture of "Dad-fluencers" who bond over stroller specs and the best ways to teach a kid to throw a punch or bake a cake. It’s still masculine, it’s still a "thing," but it’s more inclusive and emotionally intelligent than it used to be.
How to Lean Into the Positive Side of the "Guy Thing"
If you're a man looking to strengthen your social circle, or someone trying to understand the men in your life, you don't need to fight the "guy thing" impulse. You just need to use it effectively.
Actionable Strategies for Real Connection
- Schedule the "Side-by-Side": If you want to talk to a male friend about something serious, don't ask him to go to dinner and stare at you across a table. Ask him to help you fix a fence or go for a hike. The conversation will flow much more naturally when the pressure of direct eye contact is removed.
- Respect the "Niche": If a guy in your life is obsessed with a specific, seemingly useless hobby, let him have it. That "guy thing" is likely his way of decompressing from a world that demands he be a provider, a professional, and a perfect partner 24/7.
- Broaden the Vocabulary: Use the bond created by "guy things" as a foundation. Once the trust is built through shared activities, it becomes much easier to occasionally drop the "guy thing" shield and talk about the real stuff.
- Audit the Use of the Phrase: Ask yourself: Is this phrase helping me connect, or is it helping me hide? If you're using it to avoid responsibility or emotional growth, it might be time to retire it for a while.
The reality is that its a guy thing isn't going anywhere because it describes a fundamental human need for tribal belonging. We all want to feel like we belong to a group that "gets it" without us having to explain ourselves. As long as we keep the toxic stuff out, there’s plenty of room for the silent nods, the project obsessions, and the weirdly specific bonds that make male friendship what it is.
Ultimately, the best way to handle the "guy thing" is to recognize it for what it is: a tool for connection. Whether it's through a shared love of vintage watches, a Sunday morning golf outing, or a late-night gaming session, these rituals matter. They are the glue. Just make sure you're using that glue to build something worthwhile.
Next time you see a group of guys doing something that makes absolutely no sense, just remember: they probably don't have the words for it either. And for them, that's exactly the point.