You’ve seen it on faded t-shirts in thrift stores. It’s plastered across grainy Woodstock footage. Honestly, the phrase make love not war feels like a relic of a time when everyone wore bell-bottoms and smelled like patchouli. But if you look at the world right now—the tension, the screen-induced rage, the literal conflicts—it’s clear that this isn't just a hippie chant. It’s becoming a survival strategy for the 2020s.
Words matter. They really do.
Back in 1965, during a Mother's Day protest in Berkeley, California, people started carrying signs with those four simple words. Most historians point to activists like Penelope Rosemont or Franklin Rosemont as the sparks, but the truth is, the sentiment belonged to everyone who was tired of seeing their friends drafted for a war they didn't understand. It wasn't just about sex, though the "Summer of Love" certainly leaned into that. It was about choosing human connection over state-sponsored destruction.
We’re back there again, aren't we?
The Psychology of Choosing Connection Over Conflict
Human brains are weirdly wired for both. We have an amygdala that screams "fight or flight" whenever we see a stressful tweet, but we also have a massive prefrontal cortex designed for empathy. When we talk about the philosophy of make love not war, we’re actually talking about a biological preference for oxytocin over cortisol.
Cortisol is the stress hormone. It’s what floods your system when you’re arguing with a stranger on Reddit or watching news clips of drone strikes. It’s exhausting.
Oxytocin is the "cuddle hormone." It’s released during physical touch, deep conversation, and even when you’re just hanging out with a dog. Scientists like Dr. Paul Zak have spent years researching how oxytocin builds trust. He basically argues that our prosperity as a species depends on our ability to cooperate rather than compete.
So, choosing "love"—in the broadest sense of community, kindness, and intimacy—isn't just some soft-headed "flower power" idea. It’s literally how our nervous systems stay regulated. If you spend all day in "war" mode (even just psychological war), your body eventually pays the price. Your blood pressure spikes. Your sleep goes to trash. You get bitter.
Why the Message Got Lost (and Found Again)
For a few decades, make love not war became a joke. It was a punchline for sitcoms about burnt-out boomers. People thought it was naive. They thought "real life" was about the grind, the competition, and the "realpolitik" of international relations.
But then the 2020s happened.
Isolation became a global epidemic. The U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, recently released a report specifically about the "Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation." He points out that social disconnection is as dangerous to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Suddenly, the idea of prioritizing "love" and connection doesn't seem like a fringe hippie lifestyle choice. It looks like a public health necessity.
It’s about intentionality.
Think about how much energy it takes to maintain an enemy. You have to monitor them. You have to build defenses. You have to stay angry. Now, think about the energy it takes to build a relationship. It’s hard work, sure, but the "return on investment" is massive.
The Radical Act of Being Kind
I’m not saying we should all just hug it out and ignore global injustice. That would be stupid. But there is a concept called "Prefigurative Politics." It’s the idea that if you want a peaceful world, you have to act out that peace in your daily life. You can't hate your way to a more loving society.
If your goal is to make love not war, you start by refusing to participate in the "outrage economy."
- Stop engaging with rage-bait.
- Spend more time in physical spaces with actual humans.
- Choose curiosity over judgment.
It sounds simple. It’s actually incredibly difficult. It requires a level of emotional discipline that most people just don't have these days. It’s much easier to be a "warrior" behind a keyboard than it is to be a "lover" who listens to someone they disagree with.
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The Economic Reality of Peace
War is expensive. Not just in terms of lives, which is the obvious and most tragic cost, but in terms of cold, hard cash.
The Institute for Economics and Peace (IEP) puts out a "Global Peace Index" every year. In their recent reports, they’ve calculated that the global economic impact of violence is trillions of dollars. Imagine if even 10% of that was diverted into infrastructure, art, or healthcare.
When the 1960s protesters shouted make love not war, they were making a budgetary argument as much as a moral one. They wanted the "peace dividend." They wanted the resources of the most powerful nation on earth to go toward life-affirming projects instead of life-ending ones.
We see this on a micro-level too.
In business, a toxic culture—a "war" culture—leads to high turnover and low productivity. A culture of psychological safety and "love" (meaning respect and care for the employee as a human) leads to innovation. It’s not "woo-woo" nonsense; it’s just better management. Companies like Patagonia or even the early days of Southwest Airlines leaned into this human-centric model and thrived because of it.
How to Actually Live the Slogan Today
So, how do you actually "make love" in a world that seems obsessed with "war"?
It’s about small, repetitive actions.
First, look at your digital diet. If you’re consuming content that makes you want to go to war with your neighbors, change the channel. That stuff is designed to keep you in a state of high-arousal fear. It’s a literal addiction.
Second, prioritize intimacy. I don't just mean romantic stuff. I mean the "love" that comes from being known and knowing others. Host a dinner. Join a club. Do something that involves zero screens.
Third, practice radical de-escalation. When someone comes at you with heat, don't meet it with more heat. It’s the "soft answer turns away wrath" thing. It’s incredibly disarming to meet hostility with genuine, calm inquiry.
The Risks of Being a "Lover"
Let’s be real: being the person who chooses peace can make you a target.
People might call you weak. They might say you’re "enabling" the bad guys. There’s a long history of pacifists and advocates for love being treated as threats to the status quo. From MLK Jr. to John Lennon, the people who push the make love not war narrative often face intense pushback because they are challenging the very foundations of how power works.
Power usually works through fear. Love works through vulnerability.
If you aren't afraid, you're harder to control. That’s why this slogan is actually quite dangerous to people who benefit from division.
Actionable Steps for a Less Combative Life
If you want to move away from a "war" mindset and toward a "love" mindset, you can't just wish for it. You have to build it.
Audit Your Outrage
Look at your phone. Which apps leave you feeling angry? Delete one today. Just one. See how your heart rate feels after 24 hours. Honestly, you probably won't miss the "updates" on what some politician said to another politician.
Invest in Local Peace
Volunteer. It sounds cliché, but it’s harder to hate people when you’re side-by-side with them packing boxes at a food bank. It grounds your "love" in something tangible.
Practice The Pause
Before you snap back at your partner, your coworker, or that guy who cut you off in traffic, take four seconds. That’s the amount of time it takes for the logic centers of your brain to catch up with the emotional ones.
Reconnect with Art
War is the destruction of form. Art is the creation of it. Go to a museum. Listen to a record. Read a poem. Remind yourself what humans are capable of making when they aren't trying to destroy each other.
Choosing to make love not war isn't about being perfect or living in a fantasy world. It’s about acknowledging that the world is often a violent, chaotic place and deciding—quite stubbornly—that you won't add to the chaos. It’s a quiet, daily rebellion.
It's also the only way we're going to get through this decade in one piece.