You're sitting there, waiting for the "right time" to ask for an intro. It's frustrating. You’ve been told for years that networking is about who you know, but nobody tells you what to do when you don't know anyone yet. The truth is that waiting for a warm handoff is often just a polite way of procrastinating. If you want to get ahead in 2026, you have to make your own connections from scratch.
It's not about being a "social climber." Honestly, that term is dated and kind of gross. It’s about being proactive. Think about it. Most people are busy. They aren't sitting around wondering how they can help your career today. If you want a seat at the table, you usually have to bring your own chair and maybe a folding table too.
The Myth of the Warm Introduction
We’ve all heard the advice: "Get a referral." Sure, referrals are great. According to data from Jobvite, referred candidates are hired at a significantly higher rate than those who apply through cold boards. But what if your circle is small? What if you're switching industries? You can't refer yourself into a room you don't have the keys to.
This is where the ability to make your own connections becomes a superpower.
Most people are terrified of the "cold reach out." They think it’s intrusive. But here’s the reality: high-level performers actually respect initiative when it’s done with a bit of tact. They didn’t get where they are by waiting for permission, and they don't expect you to either.
Stop Sending "Can I Pick Your Brain" Emails
If you want to fail, send an email that says, "I'd love to pick your brain over coffee."
It’s the worst.
It’s a massive time tax on the recipient. You’re asking for their most valuable asset—time—in exchange for... what? A lukewarm latte? Instead, you need to provide immediate value or show that you’ve done an obsessive amount of homework.
Take the example of Austin Belcak, founder of Cultivated Culture. He advocates for "Value Validations." Instead of asking for a favor, you identify a problem the person or their company is facing and send a brief, well-researched suggestion or a small "win" for them. You aren't asking for a job; you’re starting a conversation.
Why Curiosity Wins Every Time
I’ve seen people build entire careers just by being intensely curious in public.
Look at someone like Packy McCormick of Not Boring. He didn't start with a massive network in venture capital. He started writing, deeply and publicly, about things he found interesting. He made his own connections by becoming a "node" that people wanted to be connected to.
When you share your thoughts online—whether it’s on LinkedIn, a personal blog, or niche forums—you’re basically casting a net. Instead of you chasing people, you’re creating a "magnet" that draws the right people toward you. It’s passive networking that works while you sleep.
The "Double Opt-In" Mental Model
When you’re trying to connect two people you know, you should always use the double opt-in. But when you’re trying to make your own connections, you have to create a "virtual opt-in."
How?
By engaging with their work long before you ever slide into their DMs.
- Comment on their posts with actual insight (not "Great post!").
- Share their work and tag them with a thoughtful takeaway.
- Mention them in a newsletter or an article you’re writing.
By the time you actually send that direct message, you aren’t a stranger. You’re "that person who always has great insights on my LinkedIn threads." The barrier to entry just dropped by 80%.
The Logistics of the Cold Reach Out
Let's talk about the message itself. Keep it short.
Two paragraphs, max.
The first paragraph should be about them. Specifically. Mention a recent project or a specific point they made in a podcast. This proves you aren't a bot and you aren't mass-emailing 500 people.
The second paragraph is your "ask," and it should be tiny. "I'm working on [Project X] and your insight on [Specific Topic] in your last interview really changed my perspective on [Y]. No need for a call, but would you be open to me sending over one quick question via email?"
Low friction. Low pressure. High success rate.
Dealing with Rejection (Because It Happens)
You will get ghosted. Frequently.
It’s not personal. People are overwhelmed. The average executive gets over 100 emails a day. Your message might have landed right as they were walking into a board meeting or dealing with a toddler's meltdown.
If you don't hear back, follow up once—exactly one week later. If still nothing, move on. The world is big. There are plenty of other people to talk to.
Building "Luck Surface Area"
The concept of "Luck Surface Area," coined by Jason Roberts, is the idea that your "luck" is directly proportional to how much you do and how many people you tell about it.
$$Luck = Doing \times Telling$$
If you’re doing great work but not telling anyone, your luck stays low. If you’re talking a lot but doing nothing, you’re just a "wantrepreneur." To make your own connections effectively, you have to balance both.
Go to the weird meetups. Join the obscure Slack communities.
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I once knew a developer who got a job at a top-tier startup because he was the only person who helped the founder debug a random open-source library on GitHub at 2:00 AM. That wasn't a "networking event." That was a connection made through shared work and presence.
Strategic Vulnerability
Don't try to sound like a corporate robot.
People connect with humans, not "synergistic professionals seeking mutually beneficial opportunities." Gross. Use your actual voice. Use "kinda" and "honestly" if that's how you talk.
If you’re nervous about reaching out to someone you admire, say so! "Honestly, I was a bit hesitant to reach out because I've followed your work for years, but I couldn't pass up the chance to ask about..."
That kind of honesty is refreshing. It breaks the "transactional" feeling that ruins most networking attempts.
Transitioning from Connection to Relationship
A connection is a LinkedIn notification. A relationship is someone who will actually take your call when things go wrong.
To bridge that gap, you have to show up consistently. It’s not a "one and done" thing. You need to keep track of these people. Use a simple spreadsheet or a tool like Dexter or Notion to keep notes on your conversations.
If you see an article that reminds you of a conversation you had with a new connection three months ago, send it to them. "Hey, saw this and thought of our chat about [Topic]. Hope you're doing well!"
No ask. Just a "ping" to stay on their radar. This is how you build a network that actually has staying power.
Actionable Steps to Start Today
Don't just read this and go back to scrolling. If you want to make your own connections, you need to take these steps right now.
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- Identify Three "Aspirants": List three people in your industry who are 2-3 steps ahead of you. Not celebrities, but people who are actually "in the work."
- The Audit: Look at their last three public contributions (articles, tweets, LinkedIn posts). Find one specific thing they said that you either strongly agree with or have a nuanced question about.
- The Low-Stakes Engagement: Comment on those posts or share them with your own commentary. Do this for a week.
- The Specific Reach Out: Send a personalized message that references your previous engagement. Ask for one piece of specific advice or offer one tiny piece of value.
- The Follow-Up System: Set a calendar reminder to check back in with them in 30 days—not to ask for anything, but just to share an update or a relevant resource.
Stop waiting for an invitation to the party. Start hosting your own conversations, and you'll find that the doors you used to knock on start opening on their own. Success in modern business isn't about being "picked" by a gatekeeper; it's about building a network so robust that the gatekeepers become irrelevant.
The most valuable connections you will ever have are the ones you had the guts to create yourself.