If you believe the tabloids, it was a war of the worlds. If you believe the Sussexes' Netflix documentary, it was a warm, grandmotherly embrace stifled by a cold institution. The truth about the relationship between Meghan Markle and Queen Elizabeth is actually a lot more complicated than a simple "feud" or "fairytale." Honestly, looking back from 2026, the layers of what went down between the world’s most famous monarch and the American actress are still being peeled back.
People love a villain. They also love a victim. But in the real world—the one with drafty castle hallways and centuries of protocol—it was mostly about two women trying to navigate a job that had no HR department.
The Early Days: Was It Actually a Success?
The beginning wasn't the disaster people pretend it was. In fact, it was kind of the opposite. Queen Elizabeth II was famously pragmatic. Insiders, including royal expert Richard Eden, have noted that the Queen initially saw Meghan as a "breath of fresh air." She wasn't just being polite. She was looking at the future of a Commonwealth that is overwhelmingly young and diverse. Meghan fit that vision perfectly.
Break protocol? The Queen did it for Meghan almost immediately.
In 2017, she invited Meghan to spend Christmas at Sandringham. This sounds like a standard "meet the in-laws" situation, but in the Royal Family, it was unprecedented. Usually, you don't get that invite until there's a ring and a "privileged" marriage certificate. Kate Middleton didn't get that invite before she married William. Meghan did.
Then came the solo trip to Cheshire in June 2018. If you look at the photos from that day—the ones where they’re both laughing on the train or sitting together at a bridge opening—you don't see tension. You see a grandmother-in-law doing what she called the "Mother Duck" induction. She was showing Meghan the ropes. Meghan, for her part, looked genuinely engaged. She wore those pearl and diamond earrings the Queen gave her, a gift she notably wore again at the Queen’s funeral four years later.
Where the Narrative Started to Fray
So, when did the vibe shift? It wasn't one single "aha!" moment. It was a slow accumulation of friction points.
One of the big ones—and this sounds petty, but it matters in that world—was the wedding dress. Biographer Ingrid Seward recently shared that the Queen wasn't thrilled about the choice of "pure white" for a divorcee marrying in a church. Again, it’s not a "hatred" thing; it’s a "tradition" thing. Elizabeth II was the Defender of the Faith. To her, those symbols meant something specific.
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Then there was "Lilibet-gate."
This is the one that still gets people heated. When Harry and Meghan named their daughter Lilibet in 2021, the Sussexes claimed they had the Queen’s blessing. But in early 2024, reports from Robert Hardman’s biography suggested a staffer saw the Queen "as angry as I'd ever seen her" over the public claim of her approval.
"I don't own the palaces, I don't own the paintings, the only thing I own is my name. And now they've taken that."
That quote, if accurate, paints a picture of a woman who felt her last bit of privacy—her childhood nickname—had been turned into a global PR move.
The "Sandringham Summit" and the Wall of Silence
When "Megxit" happened in 2020, things got clinical. The Queen was a CEO. She chaired the Sandringham Summit to figure out how the couple would exit. Interestingly, reports have since surfaced that Meghan was actually barred from joining that meeting via video link. Why? Security. The Queen was reportedly terrified the call would be hacked or recorded.
It wasn't that she didn't want to hear from Meghan; she just didn't trust the medium.
Despite the drama, the Queen's public statements were always softened. She used the phrase "much-loved members of my family" like a shield. She was trying to balance her role as "The Queen" (the institution) and "Granny" (the person). Harry even told Hoda Kotb in 2022 that he and the Queen had a "really special relationship" and talked about things she couldn't talk about with anyone else.
The 2026 Perspective: What We Know Now
It is now 2026. Looking back through the lens of Prince Harry’s memoir Spare and the various "recollections may vary" statements, a clearer image emerges.
Meghan likely struggled with the "stiffness" of the family. There’s a documented story of her questioning why King Charles and the Queen were so formal with each other. To an American, it looks cold. To a British royal, it’s just Tuesday.
- The Earrings: Meghan wore them to the funeral as a literal olive branch.
- The Security: This was the sticking point for years. Meghan didn't return to the UK for four years after the funeral, mostly over safety concerns that have only recently been settled in court.
- The "Messiah Complex": Some former staffers (the "Old Guard") felt Meghan wanted to run meetings rather than learn. Meghan’s supporters say she was just a "straightforward" American woman in a world of passive-aggression.
Honestly, the relationship between Meghan Markle and Queen Elizabeth wasn't a soap opera. It was a culture clash. You had a woman born in 1926 who believed in "never complain, never explain" and a woman born in 1981 who believed in "sharing your truth." Those two philosophies were never going to live under the same roof for long.
Moving Forward: Actionable Insights for Royal Watchers
If you're trying to make sense of the endless headlines about the Sussexes and the late Monarch, keep these things in mind to cut through the noise:
- Check the Source: "Palace Insiders" often have an agenda. Biographers like Robert Hardman or Sally Bedell Smith usually have better access to the "Old Guard," while the Sussexes use their own media channels.
- Watch the Jewelry: In the royal world, jewelry is a language. If Meghan wears the Queen’s pearls, it’s a signal of respect. If she doesn't, it's a signal of distance.
- Distinguish Between the Queen and "The Firm": Meghan often spoke highly of the Queen herself while criticizing the "institution" (the staff and the hierarchy). It’s possible to love the grandmother and hate the office.
The Queen is gone now, but the impact of those four years—from 2018 to 2022—has fundamentally changed how the monarchy operates. Whether you see it as a "catastrophe" or a "necessary evolution," the bond (and the break) between these two women remains the most significant royal event of the 21st century.
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Key Takeaway: To understand the royal rift, look at the difference between personal affection and institutional requirements. The Queen likely loved Harry and liked Meghan personally, but she could not—and would not—allow their personal desires to override the survival of the Crown.
For those looking to stay updated on Meghan's potential 2026 return to the UK for the Invictus Games, keep an eye on official Home Office security announcements. These legal rulings are the real "green light" for any future family reunions, far more than any private invitation could be.