You can’t talk about 80s R&B without talking about the DeBarge family. Their harmonies were like silk. Songs like "All This Love" or "Rhythm of the Night" are basically etched into the DNA of American music. But behind that polished, multi-platinum veneer was a family dynamic that was, frankly, pretty dark. At the center of it all was the patriarch, Robert Louis DeBarge Sr.
He wasn't a singer. He wasn't a famous producer. Honestly, most people only know his name because of the trauma his children—Bobby, El, Bunny, and the rest—spoke about as they climbed the charts. He was a white Army veteran of French and English descent, born in July 1932 in Illinois. To the outside world, he was a disciplined military man. Inside the home, things were different.
Who Was Robert Louis DeBarge Sr.?
Born in Cicero, Illinois, Robert Sr. grew up in a world vastly different from the Motown spotlight his kids would eventually inhabit. He served in the United States Armed Forces, a stint that likely shaped his rigid, often "domineering" personality. In the early 1950s, while stationed or living in Detroit, he met Etterlene Abney.
She was only 17. He was 20.
They married in 1953, and for the next 21 years, they stayed together. They lived in a predominantly Black neighborhood in Detroit, which was a bold move for an interracial couple in the 50s and 60s. You've gotta wonder what that pressure felt like back then. Robert worked hard to provide, but the house was crowded. They had ten children together. Ten.
- Etterlene "Bunny"
- Robert "Bobby" Jr.
- Thomas "Tommy"
- William "Randy"
- Mark "Marty"
- Eldra "El"
- James
- Jonathan "Chico"
- Carol "Peaches"
- Darrell
Basically, they were a whole choir in one house. But the harmony ended when the music stopped.
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The Dark Side of the Dynasty
If you've watched any of the documentaries or read Etterlene’s book, Other Side of the Pain, you know the story isn't pretty. Robert Louis DeBarge Sr. has been described by his own family as physically and emotionally abusive. Etterlene once said he used her youth and constant pregnancies as a way to control her.
It's heavy stuff.
The kids didn't escape it either. Bunny DeBarge, the eldest daughter, has spoken openly about the sexual abuse she suffered at his hands starting when she was just seven years old. When people ask why so many of the DeBarge siblings struggled with addiction—Bobby and El especially—the answer usually points back to this childhood trauma. They weren't just "party animals." They were self-medicating.
The Breakup and the Move to Grand Rapids
By 1974, Etterlene had enough. She divorced Robert and took the kids to Grand Rapids, Michigan. This was a massive turning point. Her brother was a pastor at Bethel Pentecostal Church, and that’s where the DeBarge kids really honed their musical chops. They traded the toxic environment of their father's house for the sanctuary of the choir loft.
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Robert Sr. didn't follow. He stayed behind, eventually remarrying a woman named Barbara Clark in 1985. He lived a relatively quiet life in Michigan until he passed away in August 2009 at the age of 77.
Why the "Hispanic" Rumor Persists
There's this weird bit of trivia that always pops up: people think the DeBarges are Latino. They aren't. After the divorce, Etterlene married a man named George Rodriguez. The kids grew up with a stepfather whose last name was Rodriguez, which led everyone to assume they were half-Hispanic.
In reality, Robert Louis DeBarge Sr. was white (French/English), and Etterlene was African American and Native American. The "Rodriguez" connection was just a family tie, not a biological one.
The Legacy of a Complicated Man
It’s hard to reconcile the man with the music. Without Robert Sr., we wouldn't have the DeBarge family. We wouldn't have Bobby’s insane falsetto in "I Call Your Name" or El’s effortless pop sensibility. But the cost of that talent was incredibly high.
Most experts in music history and psychology look at the DeBarge story as a textbook case of how generational trauma manifests. Robert Sr. wasn't a monster in the eyes of everyone—he had siblings, a second wife, and a life outside his first family—but to the DeBarge kids, he was the primary source of their greatest pain.
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He passed away just as the family was starting to see a bit of a legacy revival. It’s a messy, human story. No easy answers.
What We Can Learn From the DeBarge Story
- Trauma doesn't stay hidden. Even with fame and money, childhood wounds usually find a way to the surface.
- Art is often a survival mechanism. The DeBarges didn't just sing for fun; they sang to escape.
- Context matters. Understanding Robert Sr.'s background as a white man in a biracial family in the 1950s doesn't excuse his actions, but it adds a layer of complexity to the environment the kids grew up in.
If you want to understand the music, you have to understand the man who loomed over their childhood. Robert Louis DeBarge Sr. remains a controversial, pivotal figure in the history of American R&B.
Next Steps for Research
To get a fuller picture of the family's journey, you should check out Bunny DeBarge’s memoir or the Unsung episode on the group. These sources provide first-hand accounts that give voice to the experiences Robert Sr. never publicly addressed. Look into the history of the Brewster-Douglass projects in Detroit for more context on where the family lived before the fame.