Timing is everything. People say that about comedy, but it’s arguably more true for weddings. You’ve probably seen the frantic posts on Reddit or wedding forums where a bride realizes half her guest list is already booked for a different wedding on her same weekend. It’s a nightmare. So, when it comes to save the dates when to send them is the first real logistical hurdle you’ll face once the venue deposit is paid. It isn't just about being polite; it’s about making sure the people you actually like show up.
Most planners, like the pros at The Knot or Brides, give you a standard window. But life is messy. A one-size-fits-all timeline usually ignores the fact that your cousin has three kids and a mortgage, or your best friend is finishing a residency. You have to be strategic.
The Standard Window vs. Reality
Generally, the sweet spot for save the dates when to send is between six and eight months before the big day. Six months is the absolute "we're cutting it close" mark for local weddings. If you wait longer, you're basically just sending a slightly early invitation. People need time to request off work. They need to check their kids' soccer schedules.
However, if you're getting married on a holiday weekend—think Labor Day, New Year’s Eve, or July 4th—throw that six-month rule out the window. You’re competing with family reunions and long-standing traditions. For those dates, you’re looking at eight to ten months. Honestly, even a year isn't crazy if you know your crowd travels heavily.
Destination Weddings Change the Math
If you’re forcing people to get on a plane, you owe them more time. Period. For a destination wedding, the save the dates when to send window shifts to nine to twelve months out.
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Why so early? Logistics. People need to track flight prices. They might need to renew a passport, which, as we’ve seen in recent years, can take months due to government backlogs. If you’re getting married in a remote part of Tuscany or a specific resort in Mexico, your guests might also need to save up. Giving them a year’s notice is a kindness. It lets them budget. It lets them decide if they can actually afford the trip without feeling the "last-minute" pressure of a three-month invitation window.
What Happens if You Send Them Too Early?
Believe it or not, you can actually be too organized. Sending a save the date eighteen months in advance is a recipe for disaster. Why? People lose things.
If you send a card over a year and a half out, it gets buried under a pile of mail, tucked into a junk drawer, or—worst case—the guest forgets it exists because the date feels so far in the future. They might even assume they’ll get more info soon, and when they don't, the event slips their mind. Stick to the twelve-month maximum unless you’re getting married on a literal leap day or some once-in-a-century date where venues are booked five years deep.
The Digital vs. Paper Debate
We live in a digital age, but wedding etiquette is weirdly stubborn.
- Paper Save the Dates: These are still the gold standard. They end up on refrigerators. That physical presence is a constant visual reminder of your wedding date. Every time your aunt grabs the milk, she sees your face and remembers she can't go to Vegas that weekend.
- Digital Save the Dates: Services like Paperless Post or Greenvelope are becoming huge. They’re cheaper. They’re faster. They’re environmentally friendly. But they also end up in spam folders. If you go digital, you have to be prepared to follow up with the people who didn't "open" the email.
Some couples are doing a hybrid. They send paper to the older generation—grandparents, great-uncles—who might not check email, and digital to their college friends. It’s a smart move that saves a few hundred bucks on postage and printing.
Who Actually Gets One?
This is a major point of confusion. Here is the golden rule: If you send someone a save the date, you must send them an invitation. You cannot change your mind later.
If you’re still "on the fence" about inviting your coworkers or that one friend from high school you haven't talked to in three years, do not send them a save the date. It is a social contract. Breaking it is considered a massive faux pas and will almost certainly end the relationship or at least make things incredibly awkward. Only send these to your "must-haves."
Managing the B-List
Most weddings have an A-list and a B-list. It sounds cold, but with venue capacities and soaring catering costs (the average cost per head in cities like New York or San Francisco is wild right now), it’s a necessity.
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You do not send save the dates to your B-list. You wait. If you get a flurry of early "no" responses from your A-list after the save the dates go out, you can then include your B-list in the formal invitation round later on. They’ll never know they weren't on the first list.
Essential Information to Include
Don't overcomplicate the card. You don't need the ceremony time. You don't need the menu. You just need three things:
- Your names (obviously).
- The date.
- The city and state.
A wedding website URL is also becoming a non-negotiable. According to Zola, over 80% of couples now use a wedding website to manage RSVPs and registries. Putting that URL on the save the date allows guests to look up hotel blocks early. If you have a specific hotel block with a limited number of rooms, your guests will appreciate being able to book eight months in advance rather than waiting for the formal invite.
Addressing the Envelopes
Be specific. If you write "The Smith Family," you are inviting the parents, the three kids, and potentially the grandma living in the guest house. If you only want the parents, write "Mr. and Mrs. Smith."
This helps prevent the "can I bring my kids?" or "can I bring a random date?" questions later on. While the save the date isn't the final word on plus-ones, being clear about who is invited from the jump saves you a lot of headache during the RSVP window.
The "No Save the Date" Option
Is it okay to skip them entirely? Sure.
If you’re having a tiny wedding—say, 20 people—you can just call them. If you’re planning a wedding in four months, just skip straight to the invitations. Save the dates are a tool, not a requirement. If the tool doesn't fit your timeline, don't use it. You'll save money on stamps and cardstock.
Actionable Next Steps
To get your timing right and ensure your guest list stays intact, follow these concrete steps:
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- Audit your calendar immediately. Check for major events on your wedding weekend. Is it the Super Bowl? A local marathon? A massive festival? If there’s a city-wide event, send your save the dates at the 10-month mark to ensure guests can actually find a hotel room.
- Finalize your "Must-Invites." Before ordering cards, sit down with your partner and confirm the A-list. Remember, once that card is in the mail, there is no turning back.
- Create your wedding website first. Don't print the cards until the website is live. Guests will go to that URL the second they open the envelope. If it says "Under Construction," you've missed a prime opportunity to provide travel info.
- Order 10% more than you think you need. Envelopes get ruined. Addresses change. You’ll want a few extras for your own keepsakes and for the photographer to use for "detail shots" on the wedding day.
- Check the postage. Square envelopes or heavy cardstock often require extra stamps. Take one finished envelope to the post office and have it weighed before you buy 100 stamps that won't actually cover the cost.
Sending your save the dates at the right time is the best way to show your guests you value their time and their presence. Stick to the 6-8 month window for local and 9-12 months for travel, and you'll avoid the most common attendance pitfalls.