Bedroom routines get stale. It happens to everyone, honestly. You start out with all this fire, and then three years later, you're checking the clock or thinking about whether you remembered to move the laundry to the dryer. It’s not that the love is gone. It's just that the brain is a dopamine seeker, and it gets bored of the same script. If you are looking for stuff to try in the bedroom, you're likely not looking for a circus act. Most people just want to feel that spark again. They want to feel connected.
Research from the Journal of Sex Research actually backs this up, suggesting that "sexual variety" is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction. But variety doesn't have to mean swinging from a chandelier. Sometimes it’s just about changing the lighting or talking a bit more.
The Psychological Barrier to New Stuff
Why is it so awkward to bring up new ideas? Vulnerability. Pure and simple. When you suggest something new, you’re basically admitting that what you’re doing right now isn’t 100% fulfilling, or that you have a desire you’ve been hiding. That's scary. Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity, often talks about the tension between security and surprise. We want our partners to be our rock, but we also want them to be a mystery. You can't have both without a little bit of intentional "weirdness" every now and then.
If you’re nervous, start small. You don't need a manifesto. Just a vibe shift.
Sensory Deprivation and Focus
One of the easiest things to experiment with is taking away a sense. It sounds intense. It isn't. When you can't see, your brain goes into overdrive trying to process touch and sound. A simple silk scarf or a dedicated sleep mask changes the entire dynamic.
Suddenly, you aren't anticipating the next move because you can't see it coming.
This leads to "sensate focus," a technique developed by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s. The goal isn't even necessarily the "end goal." It’s just about feeling the texture of skin or the warmth of breath. It’s a reset button for your nervous system. Try it for ten minutes. No pressure. No expectations. Just see how the body reacts when the eyes are closed.
👉 See also: Vans Women's Old Skool: Why the Sidestripe is Still Everywhere
Communication as an Aphrodisiac
We’ve all heard that communication is key. It’s a cliché because it’s true, but most people communicate poorly. They say "I like this" or "don't do 그게 (that)." That's boring. Real stuff to try in the bedroom involves a different kind of talk.
Ever tried a "Yes/No/Maybe" list? It’s a real tool used by therapists and educators. You both take a list of activities—everything from "massages" to "roleplay"—and you mark them privately.
- Yes: I love this and want to do it.
- No: Hard pass. Never.
- Maybe: I’m curious, or I’d do it under the right conditions.
When you compare lists, you focus only on the "Yes" and "Maybe" overlaps. It removes the sting of rejection. You aren't asking for something and getting a "no" to your face. You're discovering shared ground. It’s like a treasure map for your intimacy.
The Power of the "Quickie" vs. Extended Sessions
Our culture is obsessed with the marathon. Movies show hours of candlelight and sweating. Real life isn't like that. Sometimes, the best stuff to try in the bedroom is actually leaving the bedroom. Or, at the very least, shortening the timeline.
Spontaneity is a muscle. If you only ever have sex at 11:00 PM on a Saturday after watching Netflix, your body knows the routine. It’s basically sleeping. Try a Tuesday morning. Try the kitchen counter. Use a timer. It sounds unromantic, but the "time pressure" creates a different kind of adrenaline. It’s a physiological spike that mimics the early stages of dating.
Temperature Play and Texture
You don't need a specialty shop for this. Most of it is in your house.
- An ice cube.
- Warm (not hot) massage oil.
- A feather.
- A rough towel vs. silk sheets.
The skin is the largest organ in the body. It has thousands of nerve endings that we ignore because we're focused on the "main events." Alternating between cold and warm creates a sensation called vascular flushing. It increases blood flow to the surface of the skin. It makes everything feel more electric. Just be careful with the ice; keep it moving so you don't actually give someone a "burn" from the cold.
Roleplay for People Who Hate Roleplay
Most people think roleplay means buying a cheap nurse costume and doing a bad accent. It’s cringey. I get it. But "roleplay" is really just about power dynamics and different personas.
You don't need a script. Try the "Stranger at a Bar" scenario. You meet at a local spot, pretend you don't know each other, and "flirt" your way back home. It allows you to step outside the "spouse" or "partner" role. You get to be someone else for an hour. It’s a psychological vacation.
Redefining the Environment
Your bedroom is likely a multi-purpose room. It’s where you sleep, sure. But it’s also where you fold laundry, check emails, and maybe where the dog sleeps. That’s a passion killer.
One of the most effective things to try is a "bedroom audit."
👉 See also: Why Sushi Story New Milford is Actually Worth the Drive
- Remove the Tech: Blue light kills libido. It literally suppresses melatonin and messes with your energy.
- The Lighting: Get smart bulbs or just use a lamp with a warm, low-wattage amber bulb. Overhead lighting is for surgeries, not intimacy.
- The Scent: Scent is the only sense linked directly to the limbic system (the emotional center of the brain). Use something specific that you only use for "those" nights. Sandalwood, jasmine, or ylang-ylang are classics for a reason.
Let's Talk About Toys
If you haven't looked at the market lately, it's changed. It’s not all neon plastic anymore. Companies like Lelo or Dame have turned these into pieces of art.
Introducing a vibrator or a couples' toy isn't an admission of failure. It’s an upgrade. Think of it like a power tool. You can hammer a nail with a rock, but a nail gun is a lot more efficient. For many women, internal stimulation isn't enough for an orgasm; studies show about 70-80% of women require clitoral stimulation. Using a tool to bridge that gap makes the experience better for both people. It takes the "work" out of it and puts the "fun" back in.
Managing Expectations
The biggest mistake people make when looking for stuff to try in the bedroom is expecting a 100% success rate.
Some things will be hilarious. You’ll try a new position and someone will get a cramp. You’ll try a blindfold and someone will sneeze. That’s okay. In fact, it’s good. Laughter is one of the best ways to lower cortisol. If you can laugh together when something goes "wrong," you're building a level of intimacy that a perfect "performance" can't touch.
Actionable Steps for Tonight
Don't try everything at once. Pick one thing.
First, change the environment. Clear the clutter off the bed. Turn off the big light. Put your phones in another room. This alone changes the "energy" of the space.
Second, start with a non-sexual touch. Give a hand massage or a foot rub. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, physical touch is a primary language for many, but it needs to be varied. Don't jump straight to the "heavy stuff." Build the tension.
Third, ask one specific question. Instead of "what do you want to do?", ask "what’s one thing we used to do that you miss?" or "is there a texture you’ve been curious about?"
Finally, commit to the "Maybe." If your partner suggests something and you aren't sure, don't say "no." Say "I'm willing to try that for five minutes, and we can check in." Having an "out" makes it much easier to say "yes" to the unknown.
Intimacy is a practice, not a destination. It’s something you work on, refine, and occasionally mess up. But the effort itself is what keeps the relationship alive. Go slow, be kind, and keep an open mind.