You know the feeling. You walk into a room, someone offers a compliment that feels like a paper cut, and suddenly the air gets heavy. That is the essence of it. When people ask what does catty mean, they usually aren’t looking for a dictionary definition. They are looking for an explanation of that specific, sharp-edged social friction that feels uniquely frustrating.
It’s personal.
Technically, the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines catty as "slyly malicious" or "spiteful." But that’s too clinical. In the real world, being catty is about the art of the indirect hit. It’s the subtle eye roll when a friend mentions their new promotion. It’s the "I love how you just wear anything" comment that is actually a critique of your outfit. It’s mean, but it’s mean with a bow on top.
Why We Call It Catty
The etymology is pretty straightforward, even if it’s a bit unfair to actual felines. The term gained traction in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, drawing a parallel between human behavior and the perceived nature of cats—specifically their tendency to be aloof, unpredictable, and prone to sudden, unprovoked scratching.
Think about a cat playing. One second it’s purring; the next, you’ve got a red welt on your hand.
Socially, the term became heavily gendered, which is something we have to address if we’re being honest. For decades, "catty" was almost exclusively used to describe women. This likely stems from outdated societal expectations. Men were "allowed" to be overtly aggressive or confrontational—think of a physical fight or a shouting match—while women were socially conditioned to be "nice." When that frustration or competitiveness had no direct outlet, it morphed into the indirect, sharp-tongued behavior we now call cattiness.
It’s a survival mechanism of the repressed.
However, in 2026, we’ve mostly moved past the idea that this is a "girl thing." Men are just as capable of being catty, especially in corporate environments where overt aggression is HR-unfriendly but a well-timed, snide remark in a Slack channel is just... "office culture."
The Anatomy of a Catty Remark
How do you spot it? Sometimes it’s so quiet you wonder if you’re just being sensitive. You aren't. Cattiness usually relies on plausible deniability.
If someone says, "You’re bad at your job," that’s a direct attack. If someone says, "It’s so brave how you don't let a lack of experience slow you down," that’s catty. If you get offended, they can simply say, "What? I was calling you brave!"
It’s a low-key power move.
Sociologists often categorize this under relational aggression. Unlike physical bullying, relational aggression targets someone’s social standing or self-esteem. It uses tools like:
- Exclusion (the "you can't sit with us" energy)
- Backhanded compliments
- The "whisper campaign"
- Deliberate public "corrections" disguised as help
Dr. Nicki Crick, a pioneer in the study of relational aggression, noted that these behaviors are often used to maintain a social hierarchy. It’s about keeping people in their place without ever having to throw a punch.
The Digital Evolution of Cattiness
The internet changed everything. Honestly, social media is the natural habitat for catty behavior because it removes the immediate physical consequence of being a jerk.
Subtweeting is the ultimate example. You post a vague, biting comment about "some people" knowing exactly who will read it, but because you didn't tag them, you’re "safe." It’s the digital equivalent of whispering behind your hand while looking directly at the person across the room.
Then there’s the "passive-aggressive like." You see it in Instagram comments all the time. Someone posts a photo, and a "friend" likes a comment that is subtly insulting to the poster. Or they leave a comment that is technically nice but carries a hidden sting. "Wow, you look so different here!" is a classic. Different how? Better? Worse? The ambiguity is the point.
It creates anxiety. That is the goal.
Why Do People Act This Way?
It’s usually not because they’re "evil." People are rarely the villains in their own stories. Usually, cattiness is a mask for deep-seated insecurity.
When someone feels threatened—whether by your success, your appearance, or your confidence—they have two choices: level up or pull you down. Leveling up is hard. It requires work, introspection, and time. Pulling you down is easy. A quick, sharp remark can momentarily bridge the gap between their insecurity and your achievement.
It’s a temporary ego boost.
There’s also the element of "in-group" bonding. Sometimes, a group of people will be catty toward an outsider to strengthen their own internal ties. It’s a toxic way to build community, but it’s effective. "We are the people who don't dress like that," or "We are the ones who actually understand how this software works." It creates a false sense of superiority.
Is "Catty" Always Bad?
This is where it gets nuanced. In some subcultures, particularly in the drag scene or certain comedy circles, "reading" or "shade" is a form of stylized cattiness that is actually an art form.
The difference is consent and context.
In the documentary Paris Is Burning, the distinction is made clear: "Shade is, I don't tell you you're ugly, but I don't have to tell you because you know you're ugly." In these contexts, it’s a verbal duel—a test of wit and resilience. It’s performed. Everyone knows the rules.
But in a normal social or professional setting? It’s almost always destructive. It erodes trust. You can’t build a healthy team or a deep friendship when you’re constantly wondering if a "compliment" is actually an insult in a costume.
How to Handle Catty People Without Losing Your Mind
You have options. You don't have to just take it.
The most effective way to disarm a catty person is to make the implicit explicit. Since cattiness relies on plausible deniability, taking away that shield stops the behavior in its tracks.
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If someone gives you a backhanded compliment, ask for clarification with total sincerity.
"What did you mean when you said it's 'brave' for me to wear this?"
Usually, they will stumble. They didn't expect you to call them on it. They wanted to hit you and run away. By standing your ground and asking for a definition, you force them to either admit they were being mean (which they won't do) or back down entirely.
Another tactic? The "Grey Rock" method.
If someone is being catty to get a reaction or feel superior, give them nothing. Be as boring as a grey rock. Short, neutral answers. No emotional reaction. If they see that their barbs aren't hitting the mark, they’ll eventually move on to a target that provides more "entertainment."
Finally, check your own circle. Life is too short for "frenemies." If you realize that a certain friend group leaves you feeling drained, criticized, or anxious every time you hang out, it’s time to audit those relationships. True friends don't need to use you as a footstool for their ego.
Moving Toward Directness
We should all probably strive to be a little less catty and a little more direct. It’s uncomfortable at first. Saying "I’m actually feeling a bit jealous of your new car" is much harder than saying "Oh, I didn't know you were into such... flashy things."
But the first one leads to a real conversation. The second one leads to a grudge.
If you find yourself being catty, stop and ask: What am I actually upset about? Usually, it’s something about you, not them. Acknowledging that is the first step toward stopping the "scratching" behavior.
Next Steps for Better Social Dynamics
- Audit your "jokes": The next time you make a sarcastic comment about someone, ask yourself if it was actually funny or just a veiled insult. If it’s the latter, apologize or clarify.
- Practice the "Call Out": If you hear someone being catty toward a third party who isn't there, don't just laugh. Try saying, "That seems a bit harsh, don't you think?" It breaks the cycle of negative bonding.
- Boost your own security: Cattiness thrives in the gaps of our own self-esteem. Focus on your own goals and celebrate your wins so you don't feel the need to diminish others.
- Watch for "Subtext": Start paying attention to the subtext in your workplace. If you see relational aggression happening, document it if it becomes a pattern. It's often the first sign of a toxic management style.