Why do kids cut: What parents and teachers often get wrong about self-injury

It starts with a sharp, stinging sensation. Then, for a moment, the world goes quiet. It sounds backwards, right? Most people spend their entire lives trying to avoid pain, so when a parent finds a hidden blade or sees a series of straight-line scars on their teenager’s forearm, the reaction is usually pure, unadulterated panic. They think "suicide attempt." They think "attention-seeking."

But the reality of why do kids cut is usually much more complicated—and ironically, it's often about trying to stay alive rather than trying to end it.

Let’s be real. It’s terrifying. You’re looking at your child, someone you've protected from every scraped knee since they were a toddler, and realizing they are intentionally hurting themselves. It feels like a failure of parenting. It isn’t. Nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI) is a clinical phenomenon that has skyrocketed over the last decade. Research from the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry suggests that nearly 18% of adolescents have engaged in some form of self-harm. That’s nearly one in five. If you’re in a classroom of thirty kids, statistically, five or six of them might be carrying this secret.

The neurochemistry of the "Release"

So, why do kids cut? Honestly, it’s often about brain chemistry. When a person experiences intense emotional pain—the kind that feels like a physical weight in the chest or a screaming noise in the head—the brain can’t always process it through words. Physical pain, however, is something the brain knows how to handle.

When the skin is broken, the body immediately floods the system with endorphins and enkephalins. These are the body’s natural painkillers. They are chemically similar to opiates. For a kid who is drowning in anxiety or numb from depression, that sudden rush of internal chemicals provides a momentary, "high" or a sense of "calm."

It’s a coping mechanism. A dangerous one, sure. But it works. That’s the problem.

Dr. Barent Walsh, a leading expert and author of Self-Mutilation: Theory, Research, and Treatment, has spent decades explaining that for many of these kids, cutting is a way to regulate emotions that feel unmanageable. It’s not a "crazy" act; it’s a desperate attempt to feel better. They aren't trying to die. They are trying to survive the next ten minutes.

It’s not just "for attention" (And why that phrase is toxic)

We need to kill the "attention-seeking" narrative right now. Most kids who cut go to extreme lengths to hide it. They wear long sleeves in 90-degree heat. They become experts at applying concealer. They hide their tools in the linings of phone cases or inside hollowed-out pens.

If they wanted attention, they’d do it in the cafeteria.

Even if a child is doing it and letting people see, we have to reframe that. Instead of "attention-seeking," call it "connection-seeking" or "help-seeking." If a kid has reached the point where they feel the only way to get someone to notice their internal agony is to carve it into their skin, that is a medical emergency of the soul. It’s a cry for help that hasn't been heard through words.

Sometimes, it’s about control. Think about it. A teenager’s life is often a series of things being done to them. They are told when to wake up, what to learn, how to dress, and what the "right" path for their future looks like. If they are living in a chaotic home or dealing with bullying at school, their body might be the only thing they feel they actually own. Deciding when and where to feel pain is a dark, twisted form of autonomy.

The "Numbness" Factor

There’s this other group of kids, though. They don't feel too much; they feel nothing at all.

Dissociation is a common symptom of severe trauma or prolonged high-level stress. The brain basically "unplugs" to protect itself. These kids describe feeling like they are floating, or like the world is made of cardboard, or like they aren't even real. In this context, why do kids cut becomes an answer to the question: "Am I still here?"

The sight of blood and the sharp sting acts as a grounding technique. It’s a shock to the system that forces them back into their bodies. It’s the ultimate "reality check."

The social media contagion effect

We can’t talk about this without mentioning the internet. Back in the day, if a kid was struggling with self-harm, they were isolated. Now? They can find entire communities on platforms like Discord, TikTok, or Tumblr (yes, it’s still a thing for this) where self-harm is aestheticized.

There’s a concept in psychology called "social contagion." It’s why you see clusters of self-injury in certain schools or friend groups. When a kid sees a peer using cutting as a way to handle a breakup or a bad grade, it "normalizes" the behavior. It becomes a tool in the social toolbox.

Real experts like Dr. Janis Whitlock from the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery have pointed out that the digital age has made these behaviors more visible, which is both a blessing and a curse. It’s easier to find help, but it’s also much easier to find "pro-self-harm" content that provides tips on how to hide scars or which tools work best.

Misconceptions that hurt recovery

Most people think cutting is a gateway to suicide.

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While it’s true that kids who self-harm are at a higher risk for suicidal ideation later on—mostly because they are already in deep emotional distress—the acts themselves are distinct. Suicide is about ending all feeling. Cutting is about changing a feeling.

Another mistake? Thinking you can just tell them to "stop" and they will.

If you take away a kid’s razor blades without giving them a new way to handle their emotions, you’ve basically taken a life jacket away from someone who doesn't know how to swim. They will just find something else. A broken ruler. A paperclip. A হয়ে (bottle cap). The tool isn’t the problem; the pain is.

How to actually help (Actionable Steps)

If you’ve discovered a child is cutting, the first 60 seconds of your reaction will set the tone for their entire recovery.

1. Keep your face neutral. If you scream, cry, or look disgusted, the kid will immediately shut down or feel a massive wave of shame. Shame is the fuel that drives self-harm. You need to be a "calm harbor."

2. Check the wounds first. This is practical. Do they need stitches? Is there an infection? Treat the injury with the same matter-of-fact care you would use for a kitchen accident. This de-stigmatizes the physical act and focuses on their safety.

3. Validate the pain, not the method. You don't have to agree with the cutting. You can say, "I can see you’re in a lot of pain right now, and I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying this alone. I want to help you find a way to feel better that doesn't hurt you."

4. Identify the triggers. Is it happening after math class? After a fight with a specific friend? Is it always at 11 PM when the house is quiet and they are alone with their thoughts? Understanding the "when" helps you figure out the "why."

5. The "Butterfly Project" and other substitutes. Some kids find relief by drawing on their skin with a red marker instead of cutting. Others use the "ice cube trick"—holding an ice cube in their palm until it hurts. It provides a similar sensory "shock" without breaking the skin.

6. Professional help is non-negotiable. Look for therapists who specialize in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT was specifically designed to help people manage intense emotions and learn "distress tolerance." It is widely considered the gold standard for treating self-injury.

7. Remove the tools, but don't be a jailer. Yes, you should probably remove the obvious blades, but don't start stripping the doors off their hinges or searching their underwear drawers every day. If you destroy the trust, you lose the ability to help them.

Finding a path forward

Recovery isn't a straight line. There will be relapses. A kid might go three months without an incident and then have a terrible week and reach for a blade.

That doesn’t mean the therapy isn't working. It means they had a bad day.

The goal isn't just "no more scars." The goal is a kid who feels capable of handling their own mind. When the internal world becomes less of a battlefield, the need for external wounds starts to fade. It takes time. It takes a lot of awkward conversations. But kids do move past this. They grow up, their scars fade to white, and they find better ways to scream.

If you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (in the US) or the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7. These aren't just for suicide; they are for any moment where the "numbness" or the "noise" becomes too much to handle alone.

Immediate Next Steps:

• Perform a "safety sweep" of the child's room with their participation, not as a punishment.
• Schedule an evaluation with a licensed mental health professional, specifically asking about their experience with NSSI.
• Establish a "no-judgment" signal—a code word the child can use when they feel the urge to cut, so they can get support before the act happens.