It is a short poem. Only four lines. Yet, for over a century, the phrase drew a circle that shut me out has lingered in the back of the collective human mind like a stubborn splinter. You’ve likely felt it. That stinging moment when a social group tightens its borders, or a promotion goes to someone else, or a door is quietly, firmly closed in your face.
The poem is called "Outwitted." It was written by Edwin Markham. Most people today haven’t heard his name, but they know his "circle." It’s basically the ultimate "how to deal with haters" mantra from the early 1900s, but it goes much deeper than just being petty or "moving on."
The Origin Story of the Circle
Edwin Markham wasn't just some guy writing rhymes in a notebook. By the time he wrote "Outwitted," he was a massive literary figure. We are talking about the man who wrote "The Man with the Hoe," a poem that was so influential it was once called "the battle-cry of the next thousand years." He cared about the underdog.
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The specific line—drew a circle that shut me out—actually comes from a place of conflict. Markham was reflecting on how humans use exclusion as a weapon. Whether it's through religion, race, or social class, we are obsessed with drawing lines. We love to say "you don't belong here."
But Markham flipped the script.
Instead of banging on the door of the circle that excluded him, he decided to draw a bigger one. It’s a genius move, honestly. It’s the original "kill them with kindness," but with a philosophical backbone that doesn’t feel cheesy.
What It Actually Feels Like to Be Shut Out
Exclusion isn't just a metaphor. It is a biological event.
There is a famous study by Dr. Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA involving something called "Cyberball." Basically, researchers put people in an fMRI machine and had them play a simple virtual ball-tossing game with two other "players" (who were actually computer programs). At first, everyone gets the ball. Then, the two other players start only tossing it to each other.
The person being excluded? Their brain lights up in the exact same spots that process physical pain.
When someone drew a circle that shut me out, they aren't just hurting my feelings. They are triggering an ancient survival alarm that says: If the tribe leaves you, you die. This is why the poem resonates. It addresses a literal, physical ache.
We see this everywhere now.
- The "Group Chat" Exclusion: Being left out of the loop is the modern version of being left outside the village gates.
- Corporate Silos: Departments that refuse to share information are drawing circles.
- Political Polarization: This is just two massive circles trying to occupy the same space while screaming that the other doesn't exist.
The Strategy of the "Bigger Circle"
So, what do you do?
Markham’s solution was: "Love and I had the wit to win / We drew a circle that took him in!"
It sounds simple. Kinda soft, maybe? But in practice, it’s incredibly difficult. Drawing a bigger circle means you refuse to be defined by someone else’s rejection. You don't let their boundary become your cage.
Think about the Civil Rights movement. When the law drew a circle that shut me out, leaders like Bayard Rustin and Martin Luther King Jr. didn't just ask for entry. They argued for a "Beloved Community"—a circle so large that even the oppressors would eventually be brought into a new moral reality.
That is the "wit to win." It’s about taking the high ground, but doing it with a tactical edge. You aren't just being "nice." You are making the original circle irrelevant.
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Why We Keep Drawing Circles
Humans are tribal. It’s how we survived the savanna. If you knew who was in your circle, you knew who wouldn't steal your food or leave you to the lions.
But in 2026, those circles are getting smaller and sharper.
Social media algorithms are the ultimate circle-drawers. They look at your data and decide who to shut out of your feed. They create "filter bubbles." Before you know it, you are standing in a tiny, cramped circle of people who agree with everything you say, and you've shut out the rest of the world.
The danger isn't just being the person outside the circle. The danger is being the person inside a small one.
When you shut people out, you lose access to new ideas. You lose the ability to handle conflict. You basically become fragile. Markham’s poem suggests that the person drawing the excluding circle is actually the one who loses in the end, because their world is shrinking.
Breaking the Cycle of Exclusion
If you feel like someone has recently drew a circle that shut me out, there are a few ways to handle it that don't involve Twitter rants or stewing in resentment.
First, check the perimeter. Is the circle actually there, or are you projecting? Sometimes we exclude ourselves because we assume we aren't wanted. It’s a defense mechanism.
Second, look at your own tools. Are you holding a compass or a sword? If your reaction to being excluded is to exclude others, you're just building more walls.
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Third, find the "Wit." In the poem, "Love and I had the wit to win." Wit here means intelligence and creativity. It means finding a way to exist that doesn't depend on the validation of the people who rejected you.
Actionable Steps for the Socially Excluded
Don't wait for an invitation that isn't coming. It’s a waste of energy. Instead, focus on these tactical shifts:
Audit your circles. Look at the groups you are trying to get into. Are they actually worth it? Often, we want to be "in" simply because we were told we were "out," not because the group actually provides value to our lives. If a circle is toxic, let it stay small.
Build your own center. Instead of trying to join someone else’s circle, start your own. Host the dinner. Start the project. Create the community. When you are the one drawing the lines, you have the power to make them inclusive.
Practice Radical Inclusion. Next time you are in a group and you see someone standing on the fringe—the "shut out" person—be the one to draw the bigger circle. Ask them a question. Introduce them. It’s the fastest way to change the energy of a room.
Reframing the Rejection. See the "shut out" as a data point, not a verdict. It tells you where you don't belong, which is just as important as knowing where you do. It frees up your time to find people who don't require you to shrink yourself to fit inside their lines.
The beauty of Markham’s words is that they remind us that circles are just lines in the sand. They can be erased. They can be redrawn. They are only as permanent as we allow them to be. You have the compass. You decide how wide the circle goes.
Next Steps for Mastery
Start by identifying one area in your life where you feel "shut out." Instead of trying to force your way into that specific group, identify three people outside of it who might feel the same way. Reach out to them this week. By connecting with others who are also on the "outside," you begin the process of drawing that larger circle Markham wrote about. Focus on building a new community rather than mourning the old one.