You just lost the client. Or maybe the relationship crumbled after three years of trying. Perhaps the biopsy came back with news you weren't ready for, or the "sure thing" investment just evaporated into the digital ether.
It hurts. Honestly, it sucks.
But here is the thing about the human brain: it is biologically wired to catastrophize. When we hit a wall, our amygdala starts screaming that the world is ending. We see a permanent state of failure where there is actually just a pause. We forget that it's a temporary setback because the pain of the present moment feels like it has its own gravity. It pulls everything else into its orbit.
We need to talk about the difference between a dead end and a detour. Most people treat a flat tire like they've driven the car off a cliff. It's just a tire. You change it. You keep going.
The Science of Why We Think It’s Permanent
Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology, spent decades looking at how people interpret bad events. He found that the biggest predictor of resilience isn't "grit" or "toughness" in the way we usually think about it. It’s actually your explanatory style.
People who give up usually see problems as permanent, pervasive, and personal. If you think "I'm bad at business," that’s personal and permanent. If you think "This specific marketing campaign didn't work because the timing was off," that’s external and temporary. That shift—understanding that it's a temporary setback—is literally the difference between clinical depression and the ability to try again tomorrow.
Neuroscience backs this up too. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for logical reasoning, but when we’re stressed, the emotional centers take over. We lose the ability to see the timeline of our lives. We get stuck in a "permanent present."
The "Dip" and the Dead End
Seth Godin wrote a whole book about this called The Dip. He argues that almost everything worth doing has a point in the middle where it gets miserable. It’s the point where the initial excitement has worn off, the results haven't shown up yet, and the work is harder than you expected.
If you quit during the dip, you’ve wasted your time. If you realize it's a temporary setback, you push through to the other side where the competition is thinner because everyone else quit.
But you have to know if you're in a "Dip" or a "Cul-de-Sac." A Cul-de-Sac is a dead end where no matter how hard you work, things won't get better. Staying in a dead end isn't "resilience"—it's stupidity. Realizing it's a temporary setback implies that there is a path forward. If there’s no path, you don't need grit; you need an exit strategy.
Real Stories of the "Temporary" Wall
We love to look at success as a straight line. It never is.
Take James Dyson. Most people know him as the billionaire vacuum guy. What they don't see are the 5,126 failed prototypes he built over 15 years. For fifteen years, he was technically "failing." Every single one of those 5,000+ failures was, in his mind, a temporary setback. He wasn't a failure; he was an engineer collecting data on what didn't work.
Then there’s the story of Vera Wang. She didn't even enter the fashion industry until she was 40. Before that? She was a figure skater who failed to make the Olympic team. Then she was an editor at Vogue who got passed over for the editor-in-chief position.
Imagine being 39, having "failed" at two different careers, and thinking your life is over. She could have leaned into the permanence of those losses. Instead, she pivoted. The Olympics loss wasn't the end of her athletic life; it was the catalyst for her creative life.
Why the "Failure" Label is Garbage
The word failure is too heavy. It sounds like a final judgment.
In the tech world—specifically in places like Y Combinator—they talk about "pivoting." A pivot is just a fancy way of saying "the first thing didn't work, so we're doing the second thing."
Instagram started as Burbn, a cluttered check-in app that nobody liked. It was a failure. But the founders noticed people were using one specific feature: the photo filters. They realized the app's failure was just a temporary setback on the road to building a visual social network. They stripped everything else away, and well, you know how that ended.
How to Actually Tell if It’s Temporary
So, how do you know? How do you distinguish between a sign to quit and a hurdle to jump?
Look at the variables.
- Is the goal still valid? If you wanted to be a singer and you lost your voice permanently, that’s a different story. But if you lost a singing competition, the goal (being a singer) is still possible.
- Do you have a new piece of information? A setback is usually just a data point. It tells you that this specific method didn't work.
- Is it external? Market crashes, global pandemics, and sudden industry shifts are external. They aren't about your worth. They are environmental.
If you can answer yes to these, then it's a temporary setback. Period.
The Physiological Recovery
You can’t think your way out of a crisis if your body is in fight-or-flight mode. When something goes wrong, your cortisol levels spike. This makes you jumpy, irritable, and—critically—unable to think creatively.
To see the "temporary" nature of a problem, you have to lower the physical stress.
- Sleep. Seriously. Everything looks like a disaster at 2:00 AM. Everything looks like a problem to be solved at 10:00 AM after a coffee.
- The 10-10-10 Rule. Ask yourself: Will this matter in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years? Most of the stuff we lose sleep over won't even be a footnote in 10 months.
- Write it out. Put the "catastrophe" on paper. When it's in your head, it’s a monster. When it’s on a piece of legal paper, it’s just words. It’s manageable.
Practical Steps to Move Past the Wall
You don't need a 20-page plan. You need movement.
First, stop the bleeding. If the setback is financial, cut costs. If it's emotional, set boundaries. Don't try to win the whole game back in one play. You just need to stabilize the situation so you can breathe.
Next, do a "Post-Mortem." But do it without the self-flagellation. Ask: "What was the specific point of failure?" Was it a lack of preparation? Was it bad luck? Was it a bad partnership? Pinpointing the cause turns a vague "I'm a failure" into a specific "That contract was poorly drafted."
Specific problems have specific solutions. Vague problems just cause anxiety.
Finally, change the scenery. If you've been staring at the same four walls where the bad news happened, leave. Go for a walk. Drive to a different city for the weekend. Physical movement often triggers mental movement. You need to remind your brain that the world is much larger than the specific hole you’ve tripped into.
The Power of "Yet"
Carol Dweck’s work on Growth Mindset is basically built on one word: Yet.
"I don't know how to do this... yet."
"I haven't reached my revenue goal... yet."
"I haven't found a partner... yet."
Adding that one word transforms a permanent statement into a temporary one. It acknowledges the current reality while leaving the door open for the future. It’s not toxic positivity. It’s not pretending things are great when they aren't. It’s just being factually accurate about the fact that time hasn't stopped moving.
What Most People Get Wrong About Resilience
Resilience isn't about being a robot. It’s not about never feeling sad or never wanting to stay in bed all day.
True resilience is the ability to integrate the loss into your story without letting it become the whole story. It’s acknowledging that it's a temporary setback while also acknowledging that it hurts like hell right now.
You can cry and still be moving forward. You can be terrified and still be making a plan.
The biggest mistake is thinking that because you feel "weak" or "defeated," the setback is permanent. Feelings are not facts. Your feelings are just a reaction to the cortisol and adrenaline in your system. They will pass. The situation will change.
Actionable Insights for Right Now
If you're in the thick of it, do these three things today.
- Audit your language. Stop saying "I'm ruined" or "It's over." Use the phrase "It's a temporary setback" even if you don't fully believe it yet. Words shape your reality.
- Find one small win. Don't try to fix the big problem today. Wash your car. Clean your desk. Send one email. You need to prove to your brain that you still have agency over your environment.
- Reach out to a "Level 5" friend. Not the friend who will just pity you. Find the friend who has been through the fire and came out the other side. They have the perspective you currently lack.
This isn't the end of your story unless you stop writing it. The wall is there to see how much you want the thing on the other side. Treat the obstacle as part of the path, not an interruption of it. Get some sleep, get some perspective, and remember that tomorrow is a completely different set of data points.
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Identify the specific bottleneck in your current situation. Write down three ways to bypass that single bottleneck rather than trying to fix the entire disaster at once. Focus on the next 24 hours only. Move the needle an inch, and the momentum will eventually take care of the miles.