We’ve all heard it. It’s plastered on every inspirational Instagram post and yelled by every well-meaning friend after a bad breakup or a missed promotion. Let it go you be you. Sounds easy, right? Just drop the baggage, embrace your weirdness, and walk into the sunset.
But here is the thing: it’s actually exhausting.
Trying to "let go" often feels like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. You push it down, your muscles ache from the effort, and the second you lose focus, it smacks you right in the jaw. And "being you"? Most of us spend so much time performing for bosses, partners, or even the barista at the coffee shop that we’ve forgotten who that person even is. We are masks all the way down.
💡 You might also like: Why Tattoos of Small Birds are the Most Complicated Simple Choice You’ll Ever Make
The psychological grit behind letting go
People talk about letting go like it’s a passive act. It isn’t. In clinical terms, particularly within Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), letting go is closer to "cognitive defusion." This is a concept championed by Dr. Steven Hayes. It isn’t about making a thought disappear; it’s about realizing that a thought is just a bunch of words, not an absolute truth you have to obey.
If you are obsessed with a mistake you made three years ago, "letting it go" doesn't mean forgetting it. That’s impossible; our brains are literal recording devices for trauma and embarrassment. Instead, letting go means looking at the memory and saying, "Yeah, that happened," and then refusing to let it drive the car.
It’s messy. You’ll have days where you feel totally liberated. Then, at 2:00 AM, your brain will remind you of that one time you said "you too" when the waiter told you to enjoy your meal.
The let it go you be you philosophy fails when we treat it as a destination. It’s a repetitive motion. It’s more like laundry than a mountain summit. You do it, it gets dirty again, and you do it again.
Why authenticity is actually terrifying
We praise authenticity, but society usually punishes it. Think about it. If you are "truly yourself" at a corporate board meeting, and your true self happens to be someone who thinks the CEO’s strategy is nonsense, you might get fired.
True authenticity—that "you be you" part—requires a massive amount of social courage. Dr. Brené Brown has spent decades researching this. She talks about the "vulnerability hangover." That’s the feeling you get the day after you were actually honest with someone, where you want to hide under your covers forever because you feel "too seen."
Being you means accepting that some people won't like you. In fact, if everyone likes you, you’re probably not being yourself; you’re being a mirror. You are reflecting back what they want to see. That’s a survival tactic, and it’s a valid one, but it’s not living.
Breaking the cycle of "people pleasing"
Most of us are addicted to external validation. We want the "likes." We want the "good job."
When you start to let it go you be you, you essentially go through a withdrawal process. You have to stop asking, "What do they want from me?" and start asking, "What is actually happening inside my own chest?"
I knew a guy—let's call him Mark—who spent twenty years in law because his dad was a judge. He was miserable. He had the house, the car, the prestige. But he wasn't "being him." He was being his father’s legacy. When he finally quit to open a woodworking shop, half his friends thought he was having a midlife crisis. They didn't see the years of internal rot he was finally clearing out.
Mark had to let go of the "Prestige" identity. That’s the hardest part. You aren't just letting go of bad things; you’re often letting go of "good" things that don't actually fit you.
The trap of the "Cool Girl" or "Easygoing Guy"
There is this specific pressure to be the person who doesn't care. The one who lets everything slide. Ironically, trying to be "easygoing" can be a way of not being yourself. If you’re angry, be angry. If you’re hurt, be hurt.
"You be you" includes the "you" that is inconvenient.
- The you that needs boundaries.
- The you that says "no" to the party.
- The you that likes "uncool" hobbies.
- The you that is still healing.
How to actually start (the real steps)
Stop trying to do it all at once. You can't wake up tomorrow as a totally different, liberated human being. That’s a movie montage, not real life.
First, identify the "Heavy Stuff." What are you carrying that isn't yours? Maybe it's a parent’s expectation. Maybe it's a beauty standard from 2010. Maybe it's the need to be the smartest person in every room. Write it down. Look at it.
Honestly, the best way to let it go you be you is to start small.
Don't over-explain yourself. Next time you don't want to go somewhere, just say, "I can't make it," instead of inventing a complicated lie about a vet appointment for a cat you don't own. That is a tiny act of being yourself. It feels like a small thing, but it builds the muscle.
You also have to audit your environment. You cannot "be you" if you are surrounded by people who constantly criticize your core self. You might need to let go of some "friends" who only like the version of you that serves them. This is painful. It’s also the only way to breathe.
The biological reality of stress and release
Your body remembers what your mind tries to ignore. This isn't just "woo-woo" talk; it’s physiology. When you hold onto resentment or fake your way through life, your cortisol levels stay spiked. Chronic stress from "faking it" leads to inflammation, sleep issues, and burnout.
When you finally embrace let it go you be you, your nervous system actually begins to shift. You move from "fight or flight" (constantly scanning for social threats) to "rest and digest."
It’s not just about "happiness." It’s about health.
Actionable Next Steps
To move from the theory of let it go you be you into actual practice, focus on these three specific areas over the next week:
- The 24-Hour No-Explanation Rule: For one full day, do not justify your preferences. If you want tea instead of coffee, just get tea. If you don't want to talk, don't talk. Notice how much energy you usually spend "selling" your choices to others.
- Inventory the "Shoulds": List five things you do every week because you feel you should, not because you want to. Pick the least important one and stop doing it. See what happens. Most of the time, the world doesn't end.
- Physical Release: Letting go is physical. If you’re holding onto a specific grudge or stressor, do something tactile to signal to your brain that it’s over. This could be a hard workout, a long walk without a phone, or even literally throwing away an object that represents a past version of yourself.
Real growth is quiet. It’s not a loud declaration on social media. It’s the quiet moment when you realize you don't care about a judgment that used to keep you up at night. That’s when you’re finally doing it.