It is often printed on the back of wedding programs or recited by a nervous best man. You’ve probably seen it. The marriage takes three poem usually starts with the idea that a relationship isn't just a duo; it’s a trio. Usually, that third "person" is God. While some people find it a bit cliché or maybe a little too "Sunday School," there is a reason this specific piece of verse has stuck around for decades while other wedding readings have faded into obscurity.
Honestly, the poem isn't just about religion. It’s about the structural integrity of a lifelong commitment.
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When things get messy—and they always do—two people staring at each other isn't always enough to fix the problem. Sometimes you need a literal or metaphorical North Star. Whether you're religious or just looking for a way to make a marriage survive the "seven-year itch," understanding the mechanics of this poem might actually save you some heartache.
Who Actually Wrote the Marriage Takes Three Poem?
Most people assume this poem has some ancient, biblical origin. It doesn't. While the concept is rooted in Ecclesiastes 4:12—which mentions a "cord of three strands" not being easily broken—the specific poem popularly known as "Marriage Takes Three" or "The Cord of Three Strands" is a relatively modern creation.
Often attributed to Perry Tanksley, the poem serves as a poetic expansion on that biblical verse. Tanksley was known for his religious poetry that captured simple, poignant truths. He wasn't trying to be Shakespeare. He was trying to give people a blueprint.
The Core Text
The poem basically argues that for a marriage to survive, the couple needs to invite God into the center of the relationship. It describes a "perfectly woven" bond. If you look at the text, it’s not particularly complex. That’s the point. It’s supposed to be accessible.
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"It’s not enough just two of us, though we may love each other well..."
That line right there is the hook. It acknowledges a hard truth: human love, by itself, is sometimes fickle. It’s prone to exhaustion. By introducing a third element, the poem suggests a stabilizer. Think of it like a camera tripod. Two legs? It falls over. Three? It stands on uneven ground.
Why the "Third Strand" Concept Works (Even for the Non-Religious)
You don't have to be a theologian to get why this resonates.
If we look at this through a psychological lens, the "third" doesn't have to be a deity. It can be a shared value system. It can be a commitment to a "greater good" that exists outside the individual egos of the two partners. Relationship experts like Dr. John Gottman often talk about "shared meaning." That’s essentially what the marriage takes three poem is advocating for.
When you have a third point of reference, you stop fighting each other and start looking at how your actions align with your shared center. It changes the geometry of an argument. Instead of a head-to-head collision, you’re both looking toward a common point.
The Breakdown of the Cord
- The First Strand: You. Your flaws, your dreams, your morning breath.
- The Second Strand: Your partner. Their weird habits, their history, their support.
- The Third Strand: The "Spirit" or "Value" or "God" that holds the first two together.
Without that third piece, the poem argues that the first two strands just rub against each other until they fray. Friction is inevitable in any long-term partnership. The third strand acts as the lubricant and the reinforcement.
Common Misconceptions About the Poem
People get this wrong all the time. They think the poem is saying that if you're religious, your marriage will be easy. That's a total lie.
In fact, the poem implies the opposite. It suggests that marriage is so difficult that you need extra help. It’s an admission of weakness, not a boast of strength. Some critics argue it takes away from the agency of the couple. They say, "Shouldn't our love be enough?"
Well, look at the divorce rates. For many, love—as a feeling—is not enough. Feelings change like the weather. The poem is about a covenant, which is a much heavier, more durable thing than a simple contract or a fluttery feeling in your chest.
Putting the Poetry into Practice
So, how do you actually use this without it being just a nice sentiment on a wall plaque? It’s about the daily "braiding" of those strands.
I've talked to couples who have been married for 50 years. They don't talk about the poem much, but they live it. They describe moments where they wanted to leave, but their shared commitment to something higher—whether that was their faith, their family legacy, or a promise they made—kept them in the room long enough for the feeling of love to come back.
Practical Application
- Identify your "Third": If you aren't religious, what is your third strand? Is it a shared mission? Is it the "entity" of the marriage itself?
- The 30-Second Check: When an argument starts, ask: "Is what I'm about to say serving the Third Strand, or just my own ego?"
- Visual Reminders: There’s a popular wedding tradition where couples literally braid three ropes together during the ceremony. It’s a bit "Pinterest-y," sure, but having that physical object in your home can be a grounding force when things get rocky.
The Cultural Impact and Why We Still Recite It
We live in a "disposable" culture. If a phone breaks, we get a new one. If a relationship gets hard, we swipe right for a replacement. The marriage takes three poem is a counter-cultural statement. It’s an old-school way of saying that some things are worth the work of weaving and re-weaving.
It’s been used in countless ceremonies because it provides a sense of gravity. It moves the wedding from a party about two people to a ceremony about a spiritual or moral reality.
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Honestly, the reason it shows up in Google searches so often isn't just because people want the text for a program. It’s because people are looking for a reason to believe that their relationship can be "unbreakable." We’re all looking for that third strand.
Actionable Steps for Your Relationship
If you’re looking to integrate the wisdom of the marriage takes three poem into your life, start with these specific moves:
- Define your "Non-Negotiable Center": Sit down with your partner and actually name the values that make up your third strand. Is it Grace? Forgiveness? A specific spiritual path? Write it down.
- Read the full version of the poem together: Don’t just skim the quotes. Read the Perry Tanksley version or the scriptural basis in Ecclesiastes. Discuss which parts feel outdated and which parts feel like they hit home.
- Look for the "Fraying": Identify where your two individual strands are currently rubbing. Is it finances? In-laws? Stress? Bring that "Third Strand" into that specific area. For example, if your third strand is "Grace," how does that change your conversation about the credit card bill?
- Incorporate a ritual: Whether it’s a weekly check-in or a shared prayer/meditation, create a space where the "Third" is invited back into the room.
Marriage isn't a duo. It’s a complex, living braid. The poem is just a reminder to keep weaving.
Next Steps to Strengthen Your Bond
- Review your wedding vows: See how they align with the "three-strand" philosophy.
- Research the "Braid Ceremony": If you are currently planning a wedding, look into the physical act of braiding three cords as a visual representation for your guests.
- Audit your shared values: Every six months, check to see if your "third strand" is still what you both want it to be. Values can evolve, and the braid needs to stay tight.