W.C. Fields was a nightmare for a publicist. Imagine a man whose entire persona was built on a foundation of gin, a deep-seated loathing for dogs, and a suspicious eye toward children. He wasn't the "wholesome" entertainer. Not by a long shot. Yet, decades after he shuffled off this mortal coil on a Christmas Day—the very holiday he likely would have despised—quotes by W.C. Fields continue to circulate as the ultimate gospel for the cynical and the weary.
He was the "Great Imposter." He was a juggler who turned himself into a caricature of the American blowhard. When you dig into his lines, you aren't just reading jokes; you're reading the survival strategy of a man who lived through the brutal era of vaudeville.
The Myth of the Man Who Hated Everyone
People love to repeat the one about him wanting his epitaph to read, "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."
It’s a classic. It’s also probably a lie.
Fields actually suggested that line for a Vanity Fair article in 1925, but his actual grave at Forest Lawn doesn't say anything of the sort. It just says his name. That’s the thing about the most famous quotes by W.C. Fields—the line between the character (Uncle Bill) and the man (William Claude Dukenfield) is so thin you could see through it like a cheap glass of bootleg rye. He leaned into the grumpiness because it sold tickets.
He once said, "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." It sounds like a modern Twitter bio, doesn't it? But look at the timing. He was performing in an era of extreme social divisions. By claiming to hate everyone, he was actually practicing a weird form of radical egalitarianism. If everyone is a "knucklehead," then no one is special. It’s a dark way to look at equality, but it worked.
He didn't actually hate children, by the way. He just found them to be terrible scene-stealers. He famously told a story about putting gin in Baby LeRoy's bottle during the filming of The Old Fashioned Way because the kid was getting more laughs than he was. It’s a horrific story if it's true, and a brilliant bit of branding if it isn't.
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Alcohol as a Personality Trait
"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
You've seen that on a kitchen towel. You've seen it on a magnet in your aunt's house. Fields made a career out of being the world’s most articulate drunk. He turned intoxication into an art form.
During the height of Prohibition, his comedy was a form of rebellion. He famously remarked, "Somewhere, some guy is making a very good living just by doing what I'm doing for free." He was talking about drinking. He claimed he never drank water because "fish mate in it" (though he used a much cruder word than mate).
But here’s the nuanced truth: Fields was a functioning alcoholic who lived in constant fear of poverty. He grew up on the streets of Philadelphia. He ran away from home after a fight with his father. He slept in holes in the ground and stole food from pushcarts. When he talks about "sipping" his way through a day, he’s masking a deep-seated insecurity born from a childhood where he had nothing. His quotes about booze aren't just about the party; they're about a man who needed a buffer between himself and a world that had been very, very cruel to him.
Why We Still Quote a Vaudeville Star in 2026
It’s about the honesty.
Most celebrities today are scrubbed clean by PR teams. They want to be "relatable" and "authentic" in the most manufactured way possible. Fields was authentic because he was unrepentantly miserable.
When he said, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it," he was cutting through the toxic positivity that has only gotten worse in the last hundred years. He wasn't interested in your "growth mindset." He was interested in the reality that sometimes, things just suck.
His language was beautiful, too. He didn't just call someone an idiot. He called them a "mooncalf" or a "flibbertigibbet." He used words like "ebullient" and "reprehensible" with the cadence of a Shakespearean actor who had been hit over the head with a frying pan.
The Misunderstood Philosophy of the Grump
"Start every day with a smile and get it over with."
Think about that for a second. It's actually genius. It acknowledges that the performance of happiness is an exhausting chore. If you do it at 8:00 AM, you can spend the rest of the day being your true, grumpy self.
Critics like James Agee noted that Fields was one of the few comedians who didn't want the audience's love. Chaplin wanted you to cry for him. Keaton wanted you to marvel at his bravery. Fields? He just wanted you to stay off his lawn. This detachment is exactly why quotes by W.C. Fields feel so fresh today. We live in an era of "performative liking," and Fields is the antidote to that.
He understood the absurdity of the human condition. One of his most telling lines was: "The world is getting to be a place where a man has to duck to avoid being kicked." He wasn't a philosopher, but he understood gravity—social, financial, and physical.
Navigating the Fieldsian Lexicon
If you’re looking to drop a Fields quote into a conversation, you have to nail the delivery. It’s all in the nasal drawl. It’s in the way he would mutter things under his breath as if he didn't really want you to hear them, but he couldn't help but say them.
- On Work: "I've been looking for a job ever since I was fired from the bank for stealing." (A joke, probably, but it highlights his obsession with money).
- On Health: "I feel as though I’ve been run over by a troop of light cavalry."
- On Strategy: "Never give a sucker an even break." (This became the title of his most chaotic film).
The "sucker" quote is often misinterpreted. People think he was being mean. In reality, Fields saw the world as a giant con game. If you weren't the one doing the conning, you were the one being conned. There was no middle ground.
The Hidden Depth of "The Bank Dick"
In his 1940 masterpiece The Bank Dick, Fields plays Egbert Sousé (accent on the é, he insists). The movie is a fever dream of surrealist comedy. But look at the names he gives characters: J. Pinkerton Snoopington, Agatha Mump. He was mocking the stuffy, middle-class morality of his time.
His quotes from this era are particularly sharp. He was an old man by then, his nose reddened by rosacea (not just the booze, though that helped), and he knew his time was running out. There is a weary wisdom in his later work. He wasn't just a clown; he was a satirist of the American Dream. He showed that the dream was often just a loud-mouthed man in a top hat trying to stay one step ahead of the bill collector.
A Practical Guide to Living Like Fields (Sorta)
You probably shouldn't drink a quart of gin before noon. You probably shouldn't carry a flask in a golf bag or spike a child's drink. However, there are actual lessons to be learned from the curated curmudgeon.
First, embrace the "No." Fields was a master of the polite (and not-so-polite) refusal. In a world that demands your constant attention and "yes," there is power in being a bit difficult.
Second, value your own privacy. Fields famously had bank accounts all over the country under various pseudonyms like "Figley E. Whitesides" because he didn't trust the government or his family. While that’s extreme, his skepticism of institutions is more relevant than ever.
Third, find the humor in your own flaws. Fields played a drunk because he was a drinker. He played a man who hated dogs because he found them annoying. He didn't hide his rough edges; he polished them until they shone.
Actionable Insights for the Modern Cynic:
- Audit your "Yes" pile: If W.C. Fields wouldn't want to go to that pointless middle-management meeting, why should you? Use his "Start the day with a smile and get it over with" logic to set boundaries.
- Check the source: Before sharing a Fields quote, verify it. Many quotes attributed to him—like the Philadelphia epitaph—are apocryphal. Real Fields quotes are usually wordier and more "reprehensible."
- Watch the films: Don't just read the snippets. Watch The Bank Dick or It's a Gift. You need to see the physical comedy—the way he fumbles with a deck of cards or a pool cue—to understand the rhythm of his speech.
- Embrace the "Nonsense" vocabulary: Start using words like "dratted" or "my little chickadee." It confuses people in a way that is deeply satisfying.
Fields once said, "There's no such thing as a tough audience. Just a bunch of individuals who don't want to be there." This is the ultimate truth of public speaking and content creation. If you acknowledge that people are busy, bored, and slightly annoyed by existence, you can finally start to entertain them.
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W.C. Fields died on December 25, 1946. His last words were reportedly to a nurse who was trying to get him to drink some water. He allegedly winked and said, "On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia." Even at the end, he knew how to play the hits. He knew what the audience wanted. He was a professional to the last drop.
To truly understand the legacy of quotes by W.C. Fields, you have to stop looking for a punchline and start looking for the truth behind the grumble. Life is messy, people are often ridiculous, and a good drink (or a good joke) is sometimes the only way to get through the afternoon. That’s not pessimism. It’s just Fields.
Next Steps for the Fields Enthusiast:
- Read "W.C. Fields: A Life on Film" by Ronald J. Fields. It’s written by his grandson and uses his private letters and scrapbooks to separate the man from the myth.
- Locate a copy of "Fields for President." This 1940 book is his only written work and captures his voice perfectly—it’s full of bizarre advice on how to build a "better" America.
- Cross-reference with the Marx Brothers. To see the difference between Fields' solo cynicism and the manic ensemble energy of the era, watch Duck Soup back-to-back with The Bank Dick.