You’ve heard it before. Maybe it was a professional athlete in a post-game interview or that one eccentric coworker who insists on saying, "John thinks we should order pizza." It sounds weird. It’s jarring. Honestly, it often comes across as a bit arrogant or just plain disconnected from reality. But when we look at the psychology behind talking in third person—a practice formally known as illeism—the story gets a lot more interesting than just someone having a massive ego.
It’s not just for Elmo or Jimmy from Seinfeld.
Psychologists have actually been studying this for years. They've found that referring to yourself by your own name can act as a powerful mental reset button. It’s a trick of the brain. By shifting the language you use, you’re essentially creating a "psychological distance" between your immediate, messy emotions and your rational self. It’s like stepping out of a burning building to look at the blueprints instead of just coughing in the smoke.
The Science of Psychological Distance
Ethan Kross is a name you should know if you're curious about this. He’s a professor at the University of Michigan and the author of Chatter. Kross has conducted multiple studies proving that small shifts in how we talk to ourselves—specifically using our own names instead of "I"—can radically change how we handle stress.
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In one of his most famous experiments, researchers asked participants to prepare a speech on a stressful topic. One group was told to reflect on their feelings using "I" or "me," while the other group used their own names. The results weren't even close. The people talking in third person felt less social anxiety. They performed better. They didn't ruminate as much afterward.
Why? Because when you use your name, you’re talking to yourself like you’re a friend. We are notoriously better at giving advice to others than we are at following it ourselves. This linguistic flip exploits that exact human flaw.
Think about it this way: "I am failing" feels like a terminal diagnosis. "David is failing" feels like a problem that David can probably solve with a little effort. It sounds like a subtle distinction, but your amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—notices the difference. It lowers the stakes.
Why Athletes and Celebrities Do It
We often mock LeBron James or Rickey Henderson for talking in third person. We see it as the ultimate sign of narcissism. When Rickey Henderson famously said, "Rickey’s got to go," it became a punchline. But if you look at it through the lens of high-stakes performance, it starts to look like a survival mechanism.
Pro sports are a pressure cooker.
If you’re standing on the free-throw line with ten million people watching, the weight of "I" can be crushing. If "I" miss, "I" am a failure. But if "LeBron" misses, it’s just a data point in a long career. It’s a way to depersonalize the immense pressure of the moment. This isn't just a guess; it's a recognized cognitive strategy in sports psychology to manage "the yips" or performance anxiety.
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The Dark Side: When Illeism Indicates Something Else
We have to be honest here—it’s not always a "life hack." Sometimes, talking in third person is a red flag. In clinical settings, it can be associated with certain personality disorders or dissociative states.
If someone is consistently unable to use first-person pronouns, it might suggest a fractured sense of self. It’s seen in some cases of Narcissive Personality Disorder (NPD), where the individual views themselves as a character or an icon rather than a human being with flaws. They aren't trying to manage stress; they are trying to maintain a curated image of themselves even in their own heads.
There is also a developmental aspect. Kids do this all the time. A toddler saying "Sally wants juice" is normal because they are still developing a "theory of mind." They are learning that they are a distinct entity from their parents. Eventually, they transition to "I." If an adult stays stuck in that toddler-esque phrasing without a specific self-regulation goal, it might just be a sign of emotional immaturity or a very specific, ingrained habit.
How to Actually Use This Without Sounding Crazy
You probably shouldn't start talking in third person out loud in the middle of a grocery store. People will stare. Your boss will probably call HR. The magic of this technique is almost entirely internal. It’s about "self-talk."
When you’re spiraling because you made a mistake at work, stop. Don't say, "I’m such an idiot." Instead, try saying your name. "Sarah, you made a mistake, but you can fix this by doing X and Y."
It feels cheesy the first time. It really does. But the mental shift is almost instant. It forces you into a coaching role. You become the mentor instead of the victim.
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Actionable Steps for Better Self-Regulation
If you want to try this out, don't overcomplicate it. Start small.
- Identify your triggers. When do you feel the most "internal chatter"? Is it before a big meeting? After a fight with a partner? Use those moments as your laboratory.
- Keep it internal. Use your name in your head or in a private journal. Writing "Mike is feeling overwhelmed because..." is often more therapeutic than "I am overwhelmed."
- Watch for the "observer" effect. Pay attention to how your body reacts when you switch pronouns. Most people report a literal lowering of their heart rate or a loosening of the chest.
- Analyze the "why." If you find yourself doing this naturally in public, ask yourself if you're trying to distance yourself from a mistake or if you're trying to build yourself up. Understanding the motivation helps you control the habit.
The goal isn't to become a person who speaks like a cartoon character. The goal is to gain mastery over your own emotional responses. Language is a tool. Sometimes, the most effective way to handle being "you" is to pretend, just for a second, that you’re someone else looking in.
By the way, if you find that you're using this to avoid taking responsibility for your actions, stop. Distance is good for clarity, but it shouldn't be a shield against accountability. Real growth happens when you use the third person to find the solution, then switch back to the first person to actually execute it.