TikTok is weird. One minute you're watching a sourdough starter bubble, and the next, you're reconsidering your entire dating history because of a viral audio clip. That’s exactly how the he's a 10 but trend took over the internet. What started as a silly parlor game between friends morphed into a global cultural shorthand for how we weigh pros and cons in the messy world of human relationships.
It's a "vibe check."
Essentially, the game is simple. You start with a hypothetical person who is physically "a 10"—the peak of objective attractiveness. Then, you throw in a curveball. A "but." This "but" is usually a personality quirk, a weird habit, or a massive red flag that threatens to tank their score.
"He’s a 10, but he still uses a 3-in-1 body wash."
"He’s a 10, but he doesn’t believe in dinosaurs."
"He's a 10, but he wears toe shoes to a funeral."
Suddenly, that 10 becomes a 4. Or, in some hilarious cases, the flaw is so charmingly specific that he becomes an 11. It’s a fascinating look at what we actually value when the initial "hotness" wears off.
The Psychology of the Rating Game
Why are we so obsessed with this? Psychologists like Dr. Cortney Warren have often noted that humans use "mental shortcuts" to evaluate potential partners. The he's a 10 but meme is basically a digital version of that process, stripped of its nuance and turned into a punchline.
It’s about trade-offs.
In the real world, nobody is a 10. We all have "buts." However, the trend highlights our "non-negotiables." For some, a guy who is incredibly handsome but treats waitstaff poorly is an immediate 0. For others, the "but" is more about compatibility. If he’s a 10 but he hates dogs, and you own three golden retrievers, that 10 is functionally useless to you.
The trend caught fire because it gave people a low-stakes way to vent about dating frustrations. It turned the grueling experience of modern dating into a collaborative comedy set.
Where Did He's a 10 But Actually Come From?
While it’s hard to pin down the very first person to utter the phrase, the trend exploded on TikTok in mid-2022. It didn't stay there. It migrated to Twitter (now X), Instagram Reels, and even late-night talk shows.
It wasn't just for women talking about men, either. We saw "She's a 10 but..." and "They're a 10 but..." variations almost immediately. The inclusivity of the meme helped it survive longer than most TikTok sounds. It became a template. Anyone could use it.
The Evolution of the Flaw
Early on, the flaws were simple. Hygiene. Fashion. Maybe a weird food preference. But as the trend matured, it got deeper. People started using it to call out toxic behaviors or weirdly specific "icks."
- The Hygiene Ick: He’s a 10 but he thinks washing his legs in the shower is optional.
- The Financial Red Flag: He’s a 10 but he asks you to Venmo him $2.50 for a pack of gum.
- The Existential Crisis: He’s a 10 but he’s "in between" crypto projects and lives in his cousin's basement.
Honestly, the humor comes from the relatability. We've all met that person. They look great on paper, or on a Tinder profile, but then they open their mouth or you see their apartment, and the "10" starts crumbling like a dry cookie.
Why Brands Failed (and Succeeded) with the Trend
Whenever something goes viral, corporate marketing teams are about five minutes behind, trying to figure out how to sell soap with it. Some did it well. Others? Not so much.
The brands that succeeded were the ones that weren't afraid to be the "but."
Imagine a pizza brand saying, "He’s a 10, but he puts pineapple on his pizza." It’s polarizing. It starts a fight in the comments. That’s engagement gold. But when brands tried to make it too polished or too "corporate-safe," it felt like your dad trying to use "slang" at the dinner table. Cringe.
The he's a 10 but format works because it feels raw. It feels like a conversation you're having over drinks at 1 AM. You can't replicate that with a committee-approved marketing deck.
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Beyond the Meme: What This Says About Gen Z Dating
If you look past the jokes, there’s a real shift happening in how younger generations view attraction.
For a long time, the "10" was the goal. Perfection. But Gen Z and younger Millennials are increasingly skeptical of perfection. They’re looking for the "but." They want to know the flaws upfront. In a world of filtered Instagram photos and curated LinkedIn bios, the "but" is the only thing that feels authentic.
There’s also the concept of the "Ick."
The Ick is that sudden, inexplicable feeling of disgust you get toward someone you were previously attracted to. One minute you’re vibing, the next, they run to catch a bus with a backpack on, and suddenly, you never want to see them again. The he's a 10 but trend is the ultimate catalog of Icks.
It’s a defense mechanism.
By categorizing these flaws, we're building a collective manual of what to avoid. It’s social learning disguised as entertainment.
How to Play the Game Without Being a Jerk
Look, we get it. Rating people on a scale of 1 to 10 is inherently reductive. It’s a bit shallow. But if you're going to engage with the he's a 10 but trend, there’s a right way to do it.
Keep it light.
The best versions of the joke are the ones that are absurd. If you’re using it to genuinely bully someone or pick apart a specific person's insecurities, you’re missing the point. The "10" in the prompt is a placeholder. It’s an archetype.
Also, don't be afraid to flip it on yourself. Self-deprecating "I'm a 10 but..." posts are often the most popular because they show vulnerability. "I'm a 10 but I cry during car commercials" is way more endearing than just judging others.
The Science of Physical Attraction vs. Personality
We often hear that "looks don't matter," but science says otherwise. The "Halo Effect" is a well-documented cognitive bias where we perceive attractive people as being more intelligent, kind, and capable.
The he's a 10 but trend is a direct attack on the Halo Effect.
It forces us to decouple physical beauty from character. It’s a reminder that a "10" face doesn't excuse a "0" personality. In a weird way, it’s a very healthy exercise. It encourages us to look past the surface, even if we’re doing it for laughs.
A study by the University of Texas at Austin found that while people generally agree on who is physically attractive, those preferences start to matter less as they get to know someone's personality. This is known as "mate value" shifting over time. The "but" is basically the speed-run version of this psychological shift.
Making the Most of the Trend
If you find yourself stuck in a loop of watching these videos, use it as a moment of reflection. What are your "buts"? What are the things that would turn a 10 into a 2 for you?
Understanding your own boundaries and deal-breakers is actually a huge part of emotional intelligence.
If you're out there dating, don't worry about being a perfect 10. Worry about your "buts." Are they things you can change, like your hygiene or how you treat people? Or are they just quirks that make you who you are?
Because honestly, the right person is going to hear your "but" and think it makes you a 12.
Actionable Steps for Navigating Modern Vibes
- Audit your Icks: Sit down and think about the last three times you lost interest in someone. Was it a "he's a 10 but" moment? Recognizing patterns in what turns you off can help you stop wasting time on the wrong people.
- Check your own "But": Ask a trusted friend what your "he's a 10 but" would be. Be prepared for the answer. It might be something simple, like you talk too much about your cat, or something deeper.
- Prioritize Personality: The next time you're swiping, try to find the "but" in the bio before you get blinded by the "10" in the photo.
- Keep it in perspective: Remember that these ratings are arbitrary. A "10" to one person is a "6" to another. The whole point of the trend is that value is subjective.
The he's a 10 but phenomenon isn't going anywhere because human nature doesn't change. We're always going to be fascinated by the gap between how someone looks and who they actually are. So, embrace the weirdness, laugh at the icks, and remember that everyone—even the "10s"—is a work in progress.