Let's be real for a second. We’ve all seen those goofy magazine quizzes that claim if your favorite position in sex is missionary, you’re "stable and traditional," or if you prefer being on top, you’re a "natural-born leader." It’s mostly nonsense. Fun nonsense, sure, but it ignores the actual mechanics of why our bodies crave certain movements over others. The truth is usually way more practical than a personality trope. It’s about pelvic tilt, nerve endings, and frankly, how much cardio you’ve done lately.
Preferences change. They shift with age, with different partners, and even based on how much sleep you got the night before.
The Biology Behind Why We Have a Favorite
It’s not just a "vibe." Biology plays a massive role in what feels good. For instance, the clitoris isn't just that tiny nub on the outside; it’s a massive internal structure with "legs" (crura) that wrap around the vaginal canal. Research from pioneers like Dr. Helen O'Connell has shown that certain positions provide more direct stimulation to these internal structures than others. If your favorite position in sex involves a lot of grinding or "shallow" penetration, you’re likely just optimizing for clitoral contact without even thinking about it.
Some people have a retroverted uterus. That’s just a fancy way of saying their uterus tilts backward toward the spine instead of forward toward the belly. For about 25% of women, this makes deep penetration in positions like doggy style occasionally uncomfortable or even sharp. If that’s you, your "favorite" is probably something like the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) because it focuses on pressure rather than depth. It’s physics, not psychology.
Let’s Talk About Doggy Style and the G-Spot
There is so much debate about the G-spot. Is it a distinct organ? Is it just the back of the clitoris? Most modern urologists and sex researchers, including those published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, lean toward it being a highly sensitive zone of the anterior vaginal wall. Doggy style is a perennial favorite because the angle allows for consistent pressure against that front wall.
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But here’s the kicker: it’s also exhausting for the person on all fours if the bed is too soft or their knees are bad. People often "rank" this position high because of the visual element, but the physical reality can be hit or miss depending on the height difference between partners.
Why Variety Isn't Always the Goal
We live in a culture that treats sex like an Olympic sport. If you aren't trying a new "position of the week," you're supposedly boring. That’s a lie. Many couples find that sticking to a favorite position in sex allows for "muscle memory." When you aren't worried about whether your leg is going to cramp or if you’re about to fall off the bed, you can actually focus on the sensation.
Familiarity breeds relaxation. Relaxation is the precursor to orgasm.
The Underappreciated Side-Lying Positions
Spoons. It’s not just for sleeping. For a lot of long-term couples, side-lying sex (often called "spooning") is the actual favorite, even if they don't admit it in public. Why? Because it’s low effort and high intimacy. You get skin-to-skin contact, you can breathe on each other’s necks, and nobody has to support their entire body weight on their elbows. It’s the "comfort food" of sex positions.
It’s also great for people with lower back pain. Dr. Stuart McGill, a spine biomechanics expert, has actually studied which sex positions put the least strain on the lumbar spine. For people with certain types of disc herniations, side-lying or "sideways" positions are often the only way to have pain-free intimacy.
The Power Dynamics of Being on Top
Cowgirl, or being on top, is frequently cited as a favorite because of the control. You control the depth. You control the speed. You control the angle. For many, this isn't about being a "boss" in the boardroom; it’s about making sure the anatomy hits exactly the right spot at exactly the right time.
There’s also the visual aspect. Most men cite this as their favorite position in sex specifically because of the view. It’s a very visual-heavy preference. However, it can also be the most intimidating for people who struggle with body image. It’s hard to stay in the moment when you’re worried about how your stomach looks from a certain angle. This is where the "Expertise" part of E-E-A-T comes in: real sexual satisfaction usually requires a level of psychological safety that allows you to stop caring about the lighting.
Modified Missionary: The CAT Technique
The Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) is like the upgraded, "pro" version of missionary. Instead of the "in-and-out" motion, it’s a grinding, rocking motion. It was popularized by psychotherapist Edward Eichel. The goal is to keep the base of the penis in constant contact with the clitoris.
It’s often the favorite position for couples who struggle with the "orgasm gap." Because it prioritizes simultaneous stimulation, it levels the playing field. It takes a bit of practice to get the rhythm right, though. It’s less about thrusting and more about a rhythmic, pelvic tilt.
Misconceptions About "Boring" Sex
If your favorite position in sex is "the usual," don't let the internet shame you. There is a huge difference between "routine" and "ritual." A ritual is something you do because it works and it connects you. If you know that a specific angle always gets you where you need to go, why change it just for the sake of novelty?
The "boring" label is usually applied by people who think sex is a performance for an invisible audience. It’s not.
- The "Propped" Missionary: Using a pillow under the hips. It’s a game-changer.
- The "Standing" Position: Great in movies, incredibly difficult in real life unless you have a significant height advantage or a very sturdy piece of furniture.
- The "Lap" Position: (Sitting face to face). High intimacy, but requires a lot of leg strength.
Actionable Steps for Finding Your Real Favorite
Don't just stick with what you did when you were twenty. Our bodies change. Our flexibility changes.
- Audit your current rotation. Next time you’re intimate, pay attention to why you like a certain position. Is it the depth? The skin contact? The fact that you don't have to hold your breath?
- Adjust for your anatomy. If you have a tilted uterus or a sensitive back, use props. Pillows are the most underrated sex toy in existence.
- Communicate the "Micro-Movements." Sometimes a favorite position in sex is only a favorite because of a tiny adjustment—a tilt of the pelvis or a hand placement. Tell your partner about that 1-inch difference.
- Try the "Sensation Focus" approach. Spend ten minutes in a position without the goal of finishing. Just feel the friction and the weight. You might find that a position you previously disliked is actually great when you aren't rushing.
Ultimately, your favorite position is the one that makes you feel safe, seen, and physically satisfied. Everything else is just logistics.