Wedding traditions are weird. Honestly, most of them feel like things we do just because our mothers-in-law said we had to, but the use of unity candles and holders is one of those rare moments that actually looks good on camera and doesn't feel totally hollow. It's a simple visual. Two flames become one. It's not ancient, though. You might think it dates back to medieval cathedrals, but it actually gained mainstream popularity in the 1970s. Some even point to a 1970 episode of General Hospital as the spark that sent this trend into the stratosphere.
Whether it started on a soap opera or in a church basement, the logistics are what usually trip people up. You’ve got the two slender taper candles, the big pillar in the middle, and the hardware—the holders—that keep the whole thing from toppling over onto your expensive floral arrangements. It's a bit of a balancing act.
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The Hardware: Why Unity Candles and Holders Matter
If you buy a cheap set of unity candles and holders, you’re going to spend the entire ceremony sweating. Not because of the vows. Because those thin tapers are notorious for leaning. If the holder doesn't have a deep enough well or a sharp enough spike, that candle is going to tilt at a 15-degree angle. It looks messy. It’s a fire hazard.
Good holders generally come in three pieces. You have two outer stands for the family tapers and a central, wider base for the unity pillar. Some modern designs merge these into a single wrought-iron or acrylic piece. If you’re getting married outdoors, stop right now. Do not buy a standard open holder. A light breeze—literally 3 mph—will kill your "eternal flame" before you even touch the wicks together. For outdoor weddings, you need hurricane glass or "lantern style" holders. These are basically glass chimneys that shield the flame while still letting everyone see the light.
Design-wise, you've got options that range from minimalist brass to heavy, vintage-style lead crystal. Waterford and Lenox are the "old guard" names here. They make heavy, heirloom-quality glass that stays put. If you're going for something more industrial, look for matte black steel. It’s less about the "look" and more about the weight. You want something heavy.
Choosing the Right Wax
Not all candles are created equal. This is a fact. If you grab a random pillar from a big-box craft store, it’s probably paraffin. Paraffin drips. It smokes. It can leave a nasty black residue on your holders.
Professional wedding planners almost always steer couples toward dripless beeswax or high-grade soy blends. Why? Because you’re wearing white. The last thing you want is a glob of hot blue wax landing on a $3,000 dress because the taper holder wasn't level. Look for "hand-dipped" tapers. They burn slower and more reliably. Also, check the wick. A zinc-core wick stays upright, while a floppy cotton wick might bend and cause uneven burning, which leads to—you guessed it—more dripping.
The Ceremony Logistics Nobody Tells You
The lighting of the unity candles and holders usually happens after the exchange of rings. But who lights the tapers? Usually, it's the mothers. They represent the two families. They walk up, light the individual tapers, and then sit down.
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Later, the couple takes those lit tapers and moves the flame to the center pillar. Here is the trick: tilt the tapers toward the center pillar, not the pillar toward the tapers. If you move the big pillar, you’re asking for a spill. Hold the tapers together at the wick of the pillar for about three to five seconds. Don't just tap and run. You want a strong, healthy flame to take hold.
What do you do with the tapers afterward? Some couples blow them out to signify their "previous lives" ending. Others leave them burning to show that their individual identities still exist within the marriage. There’s no legal rule here. Do what feels right. Just make sure the officiant knows the plan so they don't awkwardly stand there waiting for you to do something you didn't plan on.
The Problem with "Everlasting" Pillars
You’ll see some companies selling "everlasting" unity candles. These are usually hollow shells filled with a liquid oil canister. They look perfect because the "candle" never actually melts down. While they’re great for photos because the height never changes, some people find them a bit sterile. There is something poetic about a real wax candle that bears the scars of the flame. It ages. It changes. That’s kinda the point of a marriage, right?
If you go the traditional route, you end up with a half-burned pillar. Save it. A lot of couples relight the same candle on their first anniversary. It’s a nice tradition, provided you didn't lose the matches in the move to a new house.
Real-World Costs and Quality
Let’s talk money. You can get a basic set of unity candles and holders for about $30. It’ll be plastic or thin aluminum. It’ll work, but it’ll feel flimsy. If you want something that will actually survive as a keepsake, you’re looking at $75 to $200.
- Low End: Simple glass or wood. Often sold at Michael's or Hobby Lobby. Good for a one-time use.
- Mid-Range: Personalized etched glass or custom ceramic. This is where most Etsy shops live.
- High End: Designer crystal or hand-forged metals. Think Simon Pearce or specialized liturgical suppliers.
The holders are actually the more important investment. You can always replace a candle for $10, but a solid, heavy-duty holder is what makes the setup look intentional rather than like an afterthought.
Common Misconceptions and Mistakes
People think the unity candle is a Catholic requirement. It's actually not. In fact, some strictly traditional Catholic parishes don't allow it during the Mass because it’s seen as a "secular" addition to the liturgy. Always check with your officiant before you spend $100 on a personalized candle set. You might find out your venue has a strict "no open flame" policy, which would force you to use those flickering LED versions. Honestly? LED candles have come a long way, but they still don't quite capture the vibe of a real flickering flame.
Another mistake? Forgetting the lighter. Do not expect the priest or the wedding coordinator to have a lighter in their pocket. And for the love of everything, don't use a bright neon plastic Bic lighter. It looks terrible in photos. Buy a long-reach decorative lighter or use a simple wooden match.
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Technical Specs for the Perfectionists
If you are DIY-ing your holders, measure the diameter of your candles twice. Most tapers are 7/8 of an inch, but some "fancy" artisanal ones are a full inch. If they don't fit the holder, you’ll be there with a pocket knife trying to shave down the base of the candle five minutes before the processional. Not fun.
Also, consider the height. If your center pillar is 12 inches tall and your tapers are 10 inches, the proportions look right. If the tapers are taller than the pillar, it can look a bit top-heavy. Visually, you want a pyramid shape. The center should be the focal point.
Making It Personal
You don't have to stick to white or ivory. If your wedding colors are deep emerald or navy, get candles to match. Just keep in mind that colored candles often have a white core. As they burn, the white "insides" show through. If that bothers you, look for "solid-color" or "colored through" candles. They cost more because they use more dye, but they look better as they melt.
Some people incorporate sand or water instead of candles. That’s fine, but it lacks the "light" element that makes a candle ceremony so visually striking in a dim room. If you’re in a big cathedral, a tiny jar of sand is invisible to the guests in the back. A flickering flame, however, carries.
Practical Next Steps
If you’re ready to pull the trigger on a set, start by checking your venue’s fire code. Once that's cleared, look for a holder that weighs at least two pounds. That weight is your insurance policy against a clumsy guest or a gust of wind.
- Measure your space. Ensure the altar or table has enough room for the base of the holders without being crowded by flowers.
- Test the fit. Put your candles in the holders the week before the wedding. If they wobble, use "candle snuggers"—small foam rings—to tighten them up.
- Trim the wicks. Before the ceremony, trim the wicks to about 1/4 inch. This prevents that initial "poof" of black smoke when you first light them.
- Assign a "Lighter-in-Chief." Usually a groomsman or an usher, whose only job is to make sure the family tapers are ready to go before the mothers walk down the aisle.
By focusing on the quality of the unity candles and holders now, you avoid the frantic "it’s leaning!" whispers during the ceremony. It’s one small detail, but in a wedding, those small details are usually the ones that end up in the photo album. Get the heavy holders, get the dripless wax, and let the ceremony be about the marriage, not the hardware.